The Vacuum Cleaner from Another Dimension

Wow, I should do blogfests more often! Welcome, newcomers, to the craziness that is me!

Thought I would give you an update on what's been going on with me (and, yes, vacuum cleaners will be involved). My fiance and I are currently living with my parents. Yay. I just found out that the house we're supposed to be moving into will not be ready for another week (surprise, surprise!), so, if I'm lucky, I will be moving into the new place the weekend before my wedding.

::Cue hysterical laughter::

We will also have to buy a refrigerator for the new place. So much for trying to crawl my way out of debt.

But, some good news! I am going to have a short story published! And I will get paid for it! Yay! It will be in an ebook and possibly even a print edition. We shall see. I'll keep you updated as soon as I know more.

Last night Fiance and I spent the majority of our time cleaning the old house for the new renters (because we're nice like that). I changed from my work clothes into some grubby clothes and put my engagement ring and watch in my dress pants pocket. (Do you see where this is going?)

While I'm shampooing the carpet in the master bedroom, Fiance is vacuuming the living room. He picks up my work clothes (do you see where this is going?) and my ring and watch fall out. He vacuums up my ring.

Yep.

No big deal, right? After all, there are only so many places something vacuumed up can go, right?

So I didn't panic. I sort of laughed and was like, "Well, you did it so you get it out, Fiance," and continued shampooing carpets.

Thirty minutes and a shredded vacuum cleaner bag later, still no ring.

!!!

I start getting a little panicky. Maybe it's stuck in the filter, hose, brush, etc. Fiance doesn't hear it rattling around, but I insist that maybe its lodged in there somehow.

We proceed to destroy the vacuum cleaner. We smash and break. We tear the thing to pieces.

Still no ring.

We get out the metal detector and go through the contents of the vacuum's bag carpet bunny by carpet bunny. I suggest we set it all on fire. Fiance barely manages to talk me out of it.

We check the entire living room floor, under the porch, between the cracks in the steps, in the grass. We find a washer and a tent stake, but no ring.

I'm hysterical at this point. WTF? What happened? Did the vacuum cleaner transport the ring to another dimension? This, really, sounds like the only logical conclusion.

At this point, we have spent almost an hour and a half looking for this ring.

I'm in tears. Fiance is trying to console me with "It has insurance, we can replace it. It's just a ring."

"It's not just a ring!" I wail. "It's my ENGAGEMENT ring!"

(Gentlemen, there is no reasoning with a hysterical woman who just lost her engagement ring.)

It's 9:30 p.m. The neighbors think we're crazy because not only have we borrowed their metal detector, but now we need to borrow their vacuum cleaner. (We neglected to tell them what EXACTLY happened to ours.) We finish cleaning to the harmony of my sniffles.

We get to my parent's house at approximately 10 p.m. I unleash my cat and he immediately gets into a fight with my mom's cat. We have to separate them. Mom tells us that my chihuahua might be having puppies. I contemplate calling into work and taking a mental health day.

But I don't.

I get up. Drive to Lincoln. Drop off boots for my bridesmaid to wear to her fitting. Drop off Jake (he promises to look for my ring while he waits for the tow truck to haul his old car to the new place) and head to work.

Halfway there he calls to tell me that the tow truck people didn't show up. And then he says, "Oh, by the way, will you marry me?"

"You found it!"

"Yep."

"Where was it?"

"In the lining of the vacuum cleaner's bag." We searched that, like, six times and never saw anything. I swear.

"So we killed the vacuum cleaner for nothing."

"Looks like it."

Sigh. Wake me up when September ends.