Speed bump!

I've hit a little bit of a speed bump here lately. Unfortunately, I just can't seem to focus on any of my stories. 

They're all in their little corners, waving at me, but I'm just spinning circles in the middle, unable to make up my mind on which one I should focus on.

Dragon Queen is saying my name very loudly, but I'm a little miffed at it right now. Mainly due to the fact that I've tried to please everyone on my writer's forum and ended up screwing something major up and I just don't have the energy to fix it right now. That's what you get from trying to please people. :) Not that they're suggestions weren't valid, but now I have to realign the whole thing to make it better. I'm not supposed to be doing that until I'm finished with my first draft, right? Serves me right for posting before the whole thing was complete. It's so malleable at this point, there is a good chance of it doing something completely unexpected and becoming a story that will not only surprise me, but surprise my fellow forumites as well. 

I thought of something today. I think it was kind of in the back of my head this whole time, but now it's official. I've had a prophecy in this story. Blech, I know. But it's kind of like an after-effect thing rather than the driving force of the story. More like: Oh, this happened and this is why. Not: This is going to happen and this is why.

But I'm really considering just making the whole prophecy a big fat lie. The dragons are fallacious anyway. They never tell Jade anything straight, so why not? Oh, I'm sure I'll keep parts of it true, but there are some things that Jade will do (and has done) that aren't part of any prophecy, and, frankly, it scares the dragons scaleless. :) :::evil laugh:::

I will do some musing tonight and hopefully will get motivated again by tomorrow. Wish me luck!

Updates

I'm taking a very small break from Dragon Queen (don't break out the torches and pitchforks, please!), and have been playing around with my other main story, The Last of the Elves. And, I must say, that I'm falling in love with Lial, the half-elf. First off, he's deliciously hunky. (Even more so than Caden and Drake, I'm sorry to say.) He's got a level of sarcasm that constantly entertains me. And he's very blunt. But, beneath it all, he is very sweet and gentle. I found that out today while writing a short scene. I discovered he has a scar right above his heart where ::cough cough:: Well, let's just say he almost died. He's a family guy. And, I believe that of all my male characters, he is the most sympathetic. ::sigh:: I'll have to introduce him to the forum soon.  

As for Dragon Queen, this pompous @#$ has inserted himself into my story and I can't get rid of him. Which is why I'm currently floundering. All the while he's doing that "Nah nah na nah nah" wiggle finger face expression. I hope Lace kicks him in the jewels, because he's aggravating me. (They have a history, you see.) Hmm. Maybe she WILL kick him where it counts. I'm sure she'd enjoy it and that would get me out of this rut. We'll see! 

I took a peek at Fury last night and I think I'm finally coming out of my hate phase. I did a lot of scratching out with my pen, but at least it wasn't with enraged pessimism. More like thoughtful realism. An improvement, I would say. At least I wasn't writing YOU SUCK all over the page. (An urge I have had). But, anyway, that's an update on my writing world. Just thought I would share. 

Between Elation and Frustration

Here's the deal:

Just the thought of editing Fury makes me hyperventilate. I'm stressed. I have reached that point where I just want to shred all 200 + pages of it and light it on fire. Do a little dance around it. Chant "Freedom" into the ember streaked sky. 

Seriously.

But I won't. Still, I'm so frustrated that I can't bear the thought of sitting down and looking at it. All my beautiful descriptions that I was once so proud of now read "blah blah blah". If you're a writer, I'm sure you know what I mean.

The worst thing is: I'm BORED with it. I still think (analytically) that it is a good story. I believe that it has potential to be a mind-blowing, rock your socks off, GREAT story, but right now every time I see it, I snarl.

I think it's partly because I have a new love interest: Dragon Queen. It's a WIP, so it's still exciting. It still has the potential to change. There's only very slight editing going on. The story and characters engage me. It's funny (which "Fury" isn't) so it tends to lighten my mood, which makes me want to write it even more.

"Fury" is not a funny story. It's, at times, a very depressing story. It's supposed to be. It's dark. It's deep. It's characters are often tormented and estranged. When I wrote it, I wanted it to be all those things. I STILL want it to be all those things. But, gah, I'm getting a little tired of it. To the point where I want to rewrite it. ::Smacks hand:: No! Not going to happen.

I honestly think that I've reached the point where I might have to just get mind-numbing drunk to edit it. Probably not a good option. ::Sigh::

I will do my best to get to it by the end of this week. My boyfriend is supposed to be off working in another state for a couple of days, so I'll have the house to myself. A great opportunity to remind myself why I once loved "Fury". 

A brief introduction

Hi, my name is Brandi (Hello, Brandi), and I'm a writer.

Or at least, I try to be.

I have currently completed one novel, Fury, which is going through about its fifth stage of editing. This is a story about a shapeshifter named Fury (hence the title) who is scarred from head to toe. She does not know how it happened or where she came from. She was raised by a seer, Lethandi, who has all the answers, but refuses to share them. 

The villain is the Devourer, Yalei. She is the one responsible for Fury's scars and now desires to finish what she started. But in order to do so, she must first find the key to unlock Fury's invulnerability (due to a very rare combination of races -- shapeshifter and Fae'len). So Yalei enslaves Caden, a knight who has a tendency to see the world in black-and-white and desires nothing but a way to save his true love, Kaymarla. Yalei promises that their desires coincide with the destruction of the shapeshifter--Yalei will get revenge and the shapeshifter's blood will heal the curse upon Kaymarla. Or so the Devourer says.

But there is another player in this game. Elmendor. A Fae'len with the ability to walk the dreamscapes, he plays behind the scenes, setting things in motion and irrevocably changing the course of fate. He's trying to earn forgiveness for past transgressions, but fears his meddling could cause more harm than good.

Caden meets Fury and it gets off to a rocky start. Fury's self-esteem prevents her from accepting Caden's friendship, taking his overtures as mockery and cruelty, but she can't help but be drawn to him. She wants to love him, but sees it as hopeless. And she's not naive, she knows that an ulterior motive lurks behind his pleasant smile.

Caden is having his own struggles. He feels the taint of the Devourer in his soul. And the urgency to return to Yalei with Fury in tow is underscored by the evil that is slowly eating away at the little slice of purity within him. And as he gets to know Fury and discovers her secrets, he finds himself questioning not only his mission, but his feelings for Kaymarla. But how could he love a disfigured shapeshifter?

On the surface, it is a complicated love story taking place in a fantastical setting. But looking deeper, it explores themes that are ingrained in the modern world. A woman's struggle for self-acceptance. Vanity. Forgiveness. Greed. Delusions. And truth.

Writing that makes me feel a little better about it, but right now I'm taking a break from it. I believe that I have been "over-editing" the past few days, so I'm not going to look at it again until this weekend. 

(Note: The picture above is Copyrighted Brandi Guthrie 2009)