Who's the MC?

It's usually easy for me to decide on the main character of a story, and then stick with it. As a woman, my MCs are usually women because it's easier for me to write from their POV, identify with their troubles, and allow their emotions to come across more honestly, since I don't have to filter them through testosterone.

But I think I've been wrong about FURY's MC. All this time, I was thinking that it was Fury. (Hence, the title.) But now...

The thing is, I've been struggling with FURY's query again. I've had some fresh eyes look at it (people who haven't even heard of my story, let alone read it) and it comes across as very vague and garbled. So, as an experiment, I used Nathan Bransford's query letter formula in the hopes that it would help me narrow my focus.

With Fury as the MC, I struggled. It's not that I don't know what her "quest" is, but it's not as tangible as Caden's. Hers is mainly an inner struggle with what she wants and doesn't want, and allowing herself to finally go after it. Caden's is more physical. He's on a quest to save his beloved from a deadly curse and gets wrapped up in the Devourer's schemes. Using Mr. Bransford's formula, this is what I ended up with:

Caden is a green-eyed warrior-prince living a privileged life in his father’s kingdom and eagerly anticipating his wedding to the beautiful Kaymarla. But when Kaymarla falls mysteriously ill, Caden must travel to the Dark Mountains and enter the service of the Devourer in order to gain his beloved’s cure. 

Yes, very simplified, but it got me thinking. ZOMG, is CADEN the MC of this story? That would sort of make sense, since he is the driving force behind changing Fury's life. He is the catalyst. He is the character who makes things happen.

Now, I've categorized FURY as a paranormal romance, so I'm sure I could get away with having two MCs, but for the purpose of the query, I'm wondering if I should use Caden's POV. And if my query focuses on Caden's quest, wouldn't it be sensible to start the story with Caden? 

I'm still struggling to comprehend this upset, so please feel free to chime in (whether you've read the story or not) because I need some advice!

How Goes It (A deluge of randomness)

I had a busy weekend. Fruitful, really.

Saturday I went grocery shopping and splurged on a cute dress and shrug. (Yeah, I know, but hey, at least it was a thrift-store.) My fiance and I decided to do "before" pictures to see if we actually accomplish anything in our mission to get fit. It was pretty sad, but not as bad as I thought. We're out of shape, but not fat...so, yeah.

Sunday I watched Gilmore Girls and dyed my hair. And then we went to get gravel for our mudslide of a driveway. This consisted of us taking buckets and shovels down to the creek and loading up a pickup truck. Lots of good exercise there (and surprisingly fun). I nearly chopped a tiny ring-neck snake in half. Jake couldn't decide if it was poisonous or not, so we just shoveled it up and deposited it elsewhere. (I don't really like snakes, but I don't hate them, so I had no desire to kill it.)

By the time we got our driveway mostly covered in gravel (we did this all by hand, mind you) we were famished, so I made dinner and we scarfed. Then we watched the first and second part of Lonesome Dove. A good movie, but horrible to watch. If you're squeamish about seeing children die and women raped, I wouldn't advise it. (They don't really show it, but you KNOW that's what happens, so it still breaks your heart.) Then I exercised (I'm seriously a bit addicted to it) and read more of The Hobbit. I'm still marveling at Tolkein's style and how it goes against almost everything I've ever been taught about writing. (Kind of like Faulkner.) It also made me ask the question, if someone tried to submit a story in this style today, would anyone be interested? Curious. Curiousss indeeds, my preciousss.

But I am enjoying it. Way more than I ever did Faulkner (sorry).

I bought a new cat food for my cat and he hates it. He won't touch it. It's the same brand, but a different flavor than I usually buy. But that was all they had! Even the dog doesn't like it that much, and she eats anything. I'll probably have to donate it to the animal shelter and buy some more (next pay check). I'll also have to take Zorro (the cat) to the vet soon. His tail is not only freaky-creepy, but I think it will need to be chopped off. The nerves are still alive (I stepped on it, accidentally, of course, and he flipped out) but it seriously resembles something from a zombie movie and I don't think the hair will ever grow back. I shudder each time it touches me. Poor kitty. He probably thinks that I hate him.

I'm still working on Dragon Queen. Still torn somewhere between frustration and depression regarding FURY. I now have a 50% rejection status. And only one of those could pass for a more personalized rejection (or else it was a really good form). I'm thinking that the query needs to be revised again before I send out more queries, but I'm at a loss as to how. I think I need to find a more specific critique forum for that. The WD Query Letter forum is a ghost thread. Really. I think I'm the most active person on there.

I've also been thinking about taking a forumite's suggestion and starting FURY with Caden's chapters. I think that they might be less...difficult...to read. Right now, the beginning is very dark and has sort of a suicide vibe. I don't think I'll get rid of those chapters, but I might move them. Sigh. Not sure.

I couldn't sleep last night. I had too many stories clamoring in my head. Story ideas I had totally forgotten about were scratching at my brain. Write me. Write me. Write me. Sigh. I think I didn't finally fall asleep until about 1 a.m. So, I'm a bit tired today and being tired makes it easier for me to be depressed, so I'm thinking happy thoughts. Happy, happy thoughts. About flowers and springtime and nothing whatsoever about queries. :)

Just go back to bed

Yesterday was crap. Today was worse. I should have taken the hint last night and just called in sick today. Because today has really sucked so far.

But, let's start with last night. I am so bone-achingly tired I felt like someone had run me over. I can deal with it, though, except that when I reach that point of exhaustion, I turn mean. I'm usually a nice person (or, at least, I keep my thoughts to myself) but I am very nasty when I'm tired. My mood sucks and I am not a joy to be around. But, I've got things to do, so taking a nap is not an option. I decide to upload photos that had been on the camera for over a month (including pics of my wedding dress) and then I just about cry. I've been working out and dieting and everything, but I look like I weigh 200 pounds in these photos. I asked my fiance, OMG, do I really look like that? Have I been deluding myself this whole time that I was getting into shape and looking better? Because I look like a cow, a fat cow. A hippo. An ugly hippo. ::cry::

He was just like "You're beautiful" which, of course, evaded my question of "do I really look like that?" So, I assume that I DO look like I weigh 200 pounds and began deleting everything and vowing to do all the things that I normally am so against (starvation, for one). I tried to give myself a pep talk last night (Just work harder, Brandi. Results will come. That angle was bad. Even super-skinny-friend looked heavier than she was (like 110 instead of 100.)) But, I was still depressed. A warning, really, to stay in bed today.

But I got up. Let the dog out. Drank half a cup of coffee and preceded to get ready for work. I set my cup of coffee down, let the dog back in, and she begins drinking it. Gross, right? So, I dump what's left, rinse out the cup, and pour some more coffee. I take a sip--and just about throw up. Apparently, before Gypsy (the dog) decided to have coffee, she partook of something dead. So my cup smelt like something had died in it. (I am still amazed that I didn't throw up.) Fiance laughs. I tell him that it is SO not funny.

I brush my teeth and gargle about three bottles worth of mouthwash (ok, not that much, but you get the point). Finish getting ready for work, but have to eat breakfast still. (Yeah, a lovely thought.) I abandon coffee and decide to have milk instead. I get a fresh cup from the cabinet, pour the milk and down it. At the bottom of the cup, there is a crust of something that hadn't been washed out the last time it had been used. I am close to screaming at this point. Or crying. Or just having a mental break. Because YUCK. Gross. Disgusting. Fiance laughs again (he was probably the one who didn't get the cup clean). I want to murder him. Now, everything just looks disgusting. I forced myself to eat a piece of toast with peanut butter (of course, the toast burnt) just so that I don't pass out at work.

But now I'm still queasy. I swear I can still smell that nasty smell. I think I'm going to be sick. Yes, you're welcome. Glad to share.

Obsession

I have a family tree of addictive personalities. Drugs. Sex. Violence. Alcohol. It's all there. Lots of wackos and creeps. Cool, huh?

So, good little Brandi has stayed away from anything that might cause her problems (i.e. jail time, liver failure) because she knows that this evil little part of her wants to give in to all those bad things. Just like daddy and grandpa and aunt and uncle, etc. So, she drinks moderately. She doesn't smoke. She doesn't do drugs or have strange sex fetishes. She's a good girl. (Though apparently she likes to refer to herself in the third person.)

But I am obsessive. I obsess about things ALL THE TIME. I've been called a worry-wort and space-y because there is always something on my mind. This can be both a good and a bad thing. When I obsess about a story, it flows. Plots move forward, characters develop, description is precise. But then there is the downside of all this. I can't let things go. FURY is out on submission and I was obsessing about it so much it was literally making me ill. So, I'm focusing my obsessive drive on something else: revising Dragon Queen. This is hard. Really hard. Because revising makes me think of FURY. FURY makes me think of queries. Queries makes me think of checking my email for the millionth time that day. Argh.

Being obsessive makes me miss the fun of it all, though. That's the worst part. I write because I want to get published, yes. But I REALLY write because that's what I like to do. I love to put worlds and people down on paper. I love the excitement when a character does something unexpected and takes the plot in a whole new direction. I love stories in general. That's why I write. It's not about fame or glory or any of that. It's just about the story. I just want to share my story with others. And the main way to do that is through an agent. But I won't obsess about that process any more. I'm going to turn my obsession back to where it belongs: the story.

Toys!

Ok, not really toys, but these sites have proved to be really useful to me in my journey on finding an agent:

Absolute Write (Especially the forums: people can ask question and gets answers about agents and publishers)

QueryTracker (You can create your own list of agents/publishers to query, see what other writers think about querying them (and where they are in the querying process), have a list of stats on rejections/requests, genres the agent represents and a list of clients)

Agent Query (Another "find an agent" tool, make sure you check the agent's websites against what's on the site though, sometimes there are differences. When in doubt, go with the agent's site.)

Publishers Marketplace (This has a lot of agents'/publishers' professional information, such as recent sales and lists of clients)

Through Absolute Write and QueryTracker, I've found information that helped me make a more personal decision about querying an agent. These tools have helped me reaffirm some of my choices and scratch off others as being a "poor fit".

It's always a good idea to take a peek at an agent's blog (if they have one) as well. Reading an agent's blog or interviews help me get a stronger grasp on what he or she is looking for (and if they would be interested in FURY).

Can you tell I've done a lot of research? (I hope so, because I have.)

Are there any other sites out there that you would recommend?

Advice: To Take or Not to Take

I love my critique group. Really, I do. There's so many different opinions and skills and styles coming together to make a wonderful blend of talent. And their advice has really helped me strengthen my writing.

But where do you draw the line?

Critiquing and being critiqued is a delicate dance. As the critter, you want to be helpful and honest even when that two year old inside of you is blowing raspberries (very naughtily, I might add). When your work is critiqued, there is a part of you that wants to use all the advice being given. There's another part that wants to blow raspberries (again). Of course, you have to find balance. You have to know which advice to take and which to ignore (but appreciate).

I'm at that point where I think there are some things that maybe I should ignore. The thing is: the advice I was offered was not bad advice. It was very good advice, actually. But when I tried to use it, things just went wrong. My voice disappeared. Things felt disjointed and awkward. And I was (and am) unhappy with the result.

So, what did I do?

I went back to the original work. (Note: Always, ALWAYS keep your original.) And I liked it better. It carried the voice of the story. Yes, it was wordier. No, it wasn't as professional. But it was ME. And that, I think, is what my work should always show: me.

So, I'm trying to spit-shine the original using some of the good advice, but I'm taking and leaving what I do or do not want this time. In the end, I might regret this (remember, it was GOOD advice), but I'd rather fail sounding like myself, than succeed sounding like someone else.

Spit, Rub, Rub, Spit, Rub, Rub, Viola!

You've heard it. I've heard it. Don't send your manuscript until it's polished. Or, as I like to say, spit-shined (just to gross people out).

You would think this wouldn't take a lot, right? Maybe just one or two revisions. A final read-through to make sure there are no glaring errors, and then let the querying begin. As I (and other writers) can attest. It's never that simple.

FURY has gone through SEVEN complete revisions. This means that I have chopped, cut, rearranged, rewritten, unwritten, shredded and reworked FURY seven freaking times. But, thank the Lord, I think I've finally gotten my manuscript to that spit-shined stage. (Spit-shining takes a tad more effort than polishing, in my opinion.)

But--hooray--it's finally there. It's finally ready. And, OMG, the feeling is almost euphoric.

Want to know the process? Sure, I'm happy to share.

1st draft -- Written in pieces and then sort of slung together. Transitions were choppy. Character arcs were barely there. Motivations were muddled.

2nd draft -- Smoothed out transitions. Thought of lots of cool plot points to add. Worked on characters, but they still came up short. Villain came up one-dimensional and too blatantly evil.

3rd draft -- Oooh, ooh! New plot twist. Worked on characters again. Added new scenes. Got rid of scenes. Reworked Fury's character (she was just too dang whiny) and gave Caden more of a background to make him less stereotypical.

4th draft -- (This is the one my critique group got to see.) Descriptions were superfluous. Transitions were choppy again. Characters were NOT sympathetic, especially Caden. Villain is still too one-dimensional.

5th draft -- Finally figured out what my characters wanted, but could not make them get there. (In real life, they would have run from each other the moment they met.) Tweaked personalities some more. Added some more of the Fae'len aspect into the story. Embellished Fury's power and gave it significance. More background info, and yet less (made it more meaningful and concise).

6th draft -- Everything is reading much smoother, but the characters are still not reaching their potential. Readers still don't care for Caden, so his introduction had to be rewritten. Devourer's powers are more specific. Fury and Caden's wants and needs are finally coming together.

7th draft -- Smoothed over jagged descriptions and transitions. Dipped deeper into Caden and Fury's heads (and hallelujah, they are finally coming across sympathetic and REAL). Rewrote some scenes that were a bit flat and missed their purpose. Found spelling errors and corrected rough syntax. And, gasp, I am DONE.

Argh! Query time!

Just Do It Already!

I've been having some minor panic attacks, coupled with stomach aches, that I am totally blaming on FURY. Why?

I'm getting REALLY close to the last polishing. Less than 100 pages left. (Thank GOD I did this by the way. I shudder to think of what would have slipped into an agent's hands.)

But today I'm procrastinating. Because I'm scared. Because once this is done, there is a query and a synopsis that is just waiting to be sent out. And that is REALLY scary. Because that means I will have made a significant step toward a real writing career. Which is good, right?

Yes, unless...

OK, I won't finish that thought. Too much negativity there.

I will try to be positive, however. And once I've finally sent queries for FURY out, I will focus on another project and try to forget about FURY. Until the rejections roll in. Sigh.

Bad Brandi!

OK, so I'm bad. I'm supposed to be rereading The Hobbit, right? Right.

But...

Anne Bishop's Shalador's Lady arrived in the mail Tuesday. I'm happy to admit that I resisted reading it Tuesday. But I didn't read The Hobbit either. Instead, I vegged out in front of the TV.

But yesterday it was calling me. I told myself it was a bad idea. I told myself that if I picked it up and started reading, I wouldn't be able to go back to The Hobbit until I'd finished. Nah, I can read just one chapter, right? Just to get a feel for it, right?

I read 12 chapters last night. And growled when I had to go to sleep. And then I dreamed about reading it. Sad, but true.

And now I just want to get out of here and start reading again. Sigh. But I promise I will finish The Hobbit before I dig into Shiver. I hope, anyway. :)

So Many Things...

A lot has been going on through my head lately...and I honestly haven't been able to organize my thoughts into coherency, so I'll just summarize what I've been up to.

1. Thinking about sex in YA novels: why it's there and why it isn't, and what that means. I read some really awesome articles about this debate, but, unfortunately, I cannot find them to link them to you. Argh. If you know what I'm talking about, please feel free to send me the links. :)

2. Pruning the FURY synopsis. It is now down to five pages and shrinking. I'm also improving the diction, so it's a more enjoyable read.

3. Polishing the final draft of FURY. This basically means that I'm quickly reading through it and correcting any glaring errors or poor syntax. I'm also making sure that the characters are coming off exactly as I intend. Since I have revised Caden's opening chapters, there will need to be some tweaking on his parts, especially toward the end of the story.

4. Researching and writing on ONE THOUSAND. Yes, I know. I'm supposed to be focusing on ELVES, but Achlys is a lot more demanding than poor Minalea, who still hasn't learned to stand up for herself. While Achlys really wants to start killing people again. ;)

5. Compiling my list of agents and making notes on why I want that agent specifically. This is very time consuming, but in the end I think it will pay off.

6. Setting goals. By the end of March I will have FURY glittering like a diamond and have sent out at least 10-15 queries. (Hopefully, more.) And, wow, my heart starts pounding just thinking about it. :)

7. Finished reading Patricia Briggs' Bone-Crossed, which was good (but I'm too scatter-brained to write a review) and have moved on to J.R.R. Tolkein's The Hobbit. (I'm still waiting to get Shalador's Lady and Shiver from Amazon.)

So...what have you been up to?

To be a good writer, you must be a good reader

I love to read. But there's a problem. I am a book-addict. Meaning that once I pick up a book, it's really hard for me to put it down. And I get snarly and snappy when someone tries to pry me away from the story. When you have a fiancee, a dog, a cat (that is recovering from some sort of nightmarish encounter with either a motor, a tire or a large predator), stories to write and a wedding to plan, there's not much time for reading. So, I've compromised.

When I work out, I read. That gives me at least 120 minutes a week (if I use the elliptical) to read. However, it's pretty hard to read when you're moving. I'm getting better at it though.

But what does this have to do with writing? For me, I get so wrapped up in my own stories that they begin to strangle me. I delve too deeply into the technical aspect of the writing and the real reason I'm writing (the story) begins to get murky. Critiquing someone else's story (no matter how well-written the story is) does not draw me out of the abyss, but often pushes me deeper. Because I'm looking at individual words and sentences and asking myself: Does this work? Can it be better? What emotion is this portraying? And the story eventually gets lost as well (which is why I make myself read the piece twice before I comment).

But to read for nothing more than the pleasure of it--ahhh, it's nice. And it serves as a reminder that THIS is why I write. For the joy of a story. For the feel of pages beneath my fingers. The smell of the binding. THIS is what gives me hope for my own works. I still appreciate the technical part of their writing, but that FINALLY takes a backseat to the story. A much needed break. :)

Poem Time: Lament to Johnny Cash

This is a little late, and I really meant to post this Friday (Johnny Cash's birthday), but here is a poem I wrote a few months ago.

Lament to Johnny Cash

You sang what I felt,

But it wasn't the words

So much as the tone of your voice—

A train, they say, shuddering and full

It reverberated within in me, Mr. Cash

Did you know that you could do that?

Or did you practice that power?

Was it something you focused on

In the shower while you shampooed

Or shaved?

Probably not, for a true master

Does not have to try to be great…

Unlike me. I am constantly striving

For some grasp on reality,

Some string to hold me above Hell.

I'm sure you know the feeling.

It is there in your music.

Along with the love and heartbreak

There is the desperation

The slow drawl of emerging insanity.

But I am like you, Mr. Cash,

Yet I have never found an escape

Because I am afraid of not feeling

Or of feeling more.

I think the white pills and alcohol

Made you more sensitive, yet less

Aware of your vulnerability.

But you were never contented

Like me, you always wanted something more

Or someone more.

But I want everyone

I want them to look at me and see me—

See my pain as if were a sheet of music

Or guitar strings, still humming.

I think they saw you, Johnny,

More than they will ever see me.

I have never shined,

Neither with light or darkness,

But am stuck somewhere in-between—

In the twilight perhaps.

You would wear black for me

I'm sure. I think I need that color.

They will wrap me in it one day

And carry me to ground

And lay lilies on the mounded earth.

But once they leave, they will forget me

Because, unlike your songs,

My voice will never stick in someone's soul

And this poem will be just another

Useless lament