Secret-keeper or Blabbermouth?

I realized recently that I've kept my submission(s) for publication under the wraps. Maybe that sounds like I'm not submitting anything, too busy refining novels that have been refined to death and pouring new, horribly cliche ideas onto paper.

But I am submitting. I'm just more reluctant to tell people about it.

When I first got "serious" about being published, I told all my friends, relatives, coworkers and strangers on the street that I had this story out to that editor and queries out to those agents. I was so psyched just to be submitting, that I didn't really care (or consider) that my submissions might not be well-received. So when a few of them (okay, most of them) weren't, I was stuck with explaining the result to the people who were just dying to know when my story would be published. Can you say, awkward?

I'll take a dozen, please!

So, I've learned to keep it to myself. Not because I'm ashamed of submitting, or even worried it won't be accepted (there's a 50/50 chance), but I just don't want to have any more awkward conversations. Also, it's easier to deal with rejection when no one else knows you've failed (except, maybe, your spouse because your demands for chocolate therapy have exceeded their normal amounts). Also, there's some part of me that wants to keep my struggles getting published private for now. Because I haven't really "made it" yet, so all my failures are far outweighing my successes. One day, I look forward to making that "I've finally done it" speech, but for now, I'm just keeping my mouth shut.

What about you? Do you let everyone know you're trying to get published or keep it under wraps? Please, share!

Obsession

I have a family tree of addictive personalities. Drugs. Sex. Violence. Alcohol. It's all there. Lots of wackos and creeps. Cool, huh?

So, good little Brandi has stayed away from anything that might cause her problems (i.e. jail time, liver failure) because she knows that this evil little part of her wants to give in to all those bad things. Just like daddy and grandpa and aunt and uncle, etc. So, she drinks moderately. She doesn't smoke. She doesn't do drugs or have strange sex fetishes. She's a good girl. (Though apparently she likes to refer to herself in the third person.)

But I am obsessive. I obsess about things ALL THE TIME. I've been called a worry-wort and space-y because there is always something on my mind. This can be both a good and a bad thing. When I obsess about a story, it flows. Plots move forward, characters develop, description is precise. But then there is the downside of all this. I can't let things go. FURY is out on submission and I was obsessing about it so much it was literally making me ill. So, I'm focusing my obsessive drive on something else: revising Dragon Queen. This is hard. Really hard. Because revising makes me think of FURY. FURY makes me think of queries. Queries makes me think of checking my email for the millionth time that day. Argh.

Being obsessive makes me miss the fun of it all, though. That's the worst part. I write because I want to get published, yes. But I REALLY write because that's what I like to do. I love to put worlds and people down on paper. I love the excitement when a character does something unexpected and takes the plot in a whole new direction. I love stories in general. That's why I write. It's not about fame or glory or any of that. It's just about the story. I just want to share my story with others. And the main way to do that is through an agent. But I won't obsess about that process any more. I'm going to turn my obsession back to where it belongs: the story.