Looking Back... and Forward

So, I have a secret. Erm, well, maybe not. But it's not something I usually talk about.

I have a novel--my very first novel--three-fourths completed. I abandoned this project a long time ago because, well, it reads a lot like erotica. Which isn't really the genre I want to break into. And, honestly, I was 17 when I wrote it and the thought of it ever being published and finding its way into my parents' hands mortified me. (After all, I wasn't supposed to know that much about sex back then, mmkay?)

But I never threw it away. I'm a pack rat with my stories. Even if I've permanently shelved them, I still keep them around. You never know when they'll come in handy--either to relieve boredom or to inspire a new idea. So, I pulled up SIREN'S SONG today and I was simultaneously appalled and intrigued. My writing was heavily flawed (refer to the POV dilemma ) and I did a lot of telling (and then there was the whole lotta sex factor), but overall, the story idea was good. The characters appealed to me again, just not in the same way. And I thought: Hmm. Maybe this story has potential after all.

For a reason only writer's can relate to, that gave me hope for my current projects. Right now, I look at FURY with the same sort of hopelessness that I once looked at SIREN'S SONG. Actually, FURY doesn't even come close. I have more faith in FURY than I ever did in SIREN, which was more of a guilty (and I mean guilty) pleasure.

This realization was good for me, because I just about gave up everything yesterday, I was so disheartened. I submitted two short stories to e-zines not in the hope that they would be published, but because I wanted a confirmation that I really sucked. Now, of course, I'm not looking at it that way. I'm being optimistic. I have faith in my writing again. Because it's good, and it has definitely improved over time. And with that improvement evident, I can't just give up. Not when I'll keep getting better.

With this positive reinforcement, I went back to revising the chapters in FURY (I still wasn't happy with the revisions I'd made on the advice of my beta reader) and they finally clicked. I wrote and deleted and wrote some more. And, OMG, I think I've actually, finally made Caden's plight sympathetic. You have no freaking idea how hard that's been or how long I've struggled with that. And what's better? I did it without having him come across as pathetic or weak. So, double bonus!

Back to writing now!

Depressed? Try revenge!

I've been sinking into the viscous vat of depression lately (as in the diagnosed depression, not the estrogen-induced kind) and it's really hard to keep my head out of the goop.

Add to that, my grandma (the only one who is still among the living) has been in the hospital for a staff infection which is making her diabetes go haywire. She was really close to going into a coma there for a while. They finally released her, but now it looks like she might have caught the flu (dear God, let it be the flu) while she was at the hospital. AND my cousin was also admitted the hospital yesterday for unrelenting seizures. They have no idea what is wrong with her.

Sinking even more.

My fiancee's answer to my moping: irritate her until she murders me.

Locked in my own little bleak world, this is really easy to do. He goosed me, tickled me, made fun of me, and, to cap it off, poured ice water on me while I was in the shower. I've never been so tempted to smother somebody in their sleep.

Yesterday, however, was payback. Two hours of torment and one VERY large cup of ice water later, I'm in a better mood. Head above goop now.

So, if you're feeling down, you might want to deliver some just desserts. Works wonders.

In Whose Head? Hers? His? Theirs? All of the above?

Maybe you notice it, maybe you don't, but point of view (POV) affects writing in significant ways. Honestly, before I sneaked into the WD Sci-Fi/Fantasy Forum, I didn't really think about POV. It just happened naturally. I would start out in one POV and then blithely switch to another's or do both, or whatever, without regard to how it was affecting what was being said/going on.

Now that I'm smarter/more experienced/brainwashed, I can look back on works that I did pre-POV and examine them critically. Is that POV working? What does it take away? What would happen if I switched it to the other person's POV. And, my favorite: Whoa, just went from third-person limited to omniscient. Goody.

In the genre I'm being sucked into like a pink vortex with red heart confetti (i.e., romance), it might surprise you to realize that omniscient is used. A lot. Now, when I gained my POV knowledge, I learned that omniscient is one of the hardest POVs to write because even though the reader knows every thought of every character, they are, in the end, distanced from them. There are so many jolts between characters that you get to the point where you're not sure who's head you're in.

I have also seen in romance novels the use of limited third spattered with bits of omniscient. For example, you're in Lord What's-His-Face head and he's admiring Lady So-and-So's assets and then we switch to having her admire his assets. Bam! Just like that. ::snaps fingers::

I'm not sure if this was intentional on the author's part or accidental, but it (surprisingly) can work.

How does this tie into what I'm working on? Well, I've decided to pick up Last of the Elves again and finish it. (This project was started BEFORE Fury was even a gleam in my eye.) The first chapter (and much of the second) is in Minalea's POV. But then it switches to omniscient. And then it's in Lial's POV. Whoa, there, POV horsey. Too much galloping around.

Now, FURY began in omniscient. But I realized that it would get more out of third-limited POV, so I changed it, creating pretty little white spaces between head jumps. I think it gives the characters and the circumstances a complexity that wasn't present before because the reader knew everything, so it was like the characters knew everything. Now, it will go a whole chapter/scene without switching to the other character's POV, so the reader is having to guess how the other character is reacting based on what the POV character is observing/thinking.

But with LOTE I'm not sure if that limited POV will work. Hmm. I'll just have to go by trial and error, I suppose.

What are your POV preferences?

Poetry: The Life & Death of a Writer

I haven't written poetry for a while. But I thought I'd share one of my previous efforts to help distract from the whole story-writing illness. So, for your enjoyment (or not), here's The Life & Death of a Writer.

The Life and Death of a Writer

They call her a writer

Because she can pretend

And she looks into things

Rather than through them

Her eyes are kaleidoscopes

Spinning between dreams and lies

Her words are orgasms

Arching across the page

Like moist vibrations too hot to touch

Significance fading quickly

Her soul collapses

To the sound of a stranger’s breathing

They say she’s a poet

Because she dances in the shadows

Undulating like the rising tides

Mermaids comb from their hair

Her body is an instrument

Fitting a mold that her mind denies

Her prose is a knife drawn

Slowly across the vein

Bleeding away haunted visions

And forming scarlet castles

Her heart crumbles

To the sound of her own breathing

She had been a dreamer

Because she saw the filament

That bridged opposing worlds

And walked that thread each night

Her world soon stopped spinning

Leaving the castles alone to dry

Gimme! Gimme!

I totally want this book. Heck, I want any book by this author who is not only hilarious and suprisingly "in touch", but can freaking WRITE. So, I'm entering this contest, and you should too.


In Maggie Stiefvater's Shiver, Grace and Sam found each other.  Now, in Linger, they must fight to be together. For Grace, this means defying her parents and keeping a very dangerous secret about her own well-being. For Sam, this means grappling with his werewolf past . . . and figuring out a way to survive into the future. Add into the mix a new wolf named Cole, whose own past has the potential to destroy the whole pack.  And Isabelle, who already lost her brother to the wolves . . . and is nonetheless drawn to Cole.

At turns harrowing and euphoric, Linger is a spellbinding love story that explores both sides of love -- the light and the dark, the warm and the cold -- in a way you will never forget.

Comes out in stores everywhere July 20th. Pre-order here.

Enter to win an advanced review copies of LINGER, Sisters Red, The Dead-Tossed Waves, and The Replacement on Maggie's blog

What Goes Around Comes Around

I'm being a bit snippy today. Probably because I had a nightmare last night about anacondas trying to eat everyone (and, no, I didn't watch the movie last night) and then, once I woke up (right before they ate my dog) I couldn't go back to sleep because my stupid cat wouldn't shut up. We had a battle of wills. He's been meowing at ungodly hours in the night wanting outside and I've been dragging my butt out of bed to accommodate him. But I refused to give in this morning. The result: Unable to sleep for the hour and 15 minutes before my alarm clock goes off. HE NEVER STOPPED.

Result: Zorro 1, Brandi 0.

And on the writing side of things, my desire to write FURY's synopsis dwindled to nothing today. I tried. Really, I did. But it just didn't work out. Once again, I thought of just abandoning FURY altogether. Stopped myself from trashing it just in time. Instead, I've been researching agents and decided which ones are going to be on my A-list (AKA Break-My-Heart-List). Which, for some reason, I also found exhausting. At this point, I have three. THREE. Only 17 more to go, folks. (To start with.)

So I tried to distract myself with other writer's works, but that made me pissy, too, because (call me crazy) but I believe that if I take the time to critique your work, you should do the same to mine. The majority of the people on the WD Sci-Fi/Fantasy forum are really good about returning the favor. But some... don't. So, I'm being petty and I am not going to comment on these people's work. Too bad for you, writer. (I'll probably get over this by tomorrow, but, for now, I'm crossing my arms and sticking out my lower lip like a truculent two-year-old.)

Don't get me wrong, I know people can get busy. But if you're going to post a piece for review (and therefore asking others to sacrifice their time to critique it) then you damned well better return the favor. Even if it's just to say "Hey, I liked this!"

Gah.

End rant.

Whew! and Whoo!

I'm finally done with the chapter summaries on FURY. 13 pages later. Yes, there are 45 chapters plus an epilogue. And I tried to cover all the points in each chapter, even if I know I won't be using them in the synopsis.

But this was actually pretty helpful to me. There were a few chapters that didn't flow as well as I would have liked and I was able to fix them (before sending it out to agents, I might add) so YAY!

I will probably do this with DRAGON QUEEN, too. It's time consuming, but it's worth it.

Whistle While You Work

I'm in a good mood this morning, which means I've finally stuffed my inner rage/disappointment/depression into the corner it usually occupies.

Which means: More writing to do today. Still working on the chapter by chapter summary of Fury (the first step to beginning my synopses). More than halfway done, so yay!

I will also be working on ONE THOUSAND and my evil tree story. EVIL TREE (working title) is a bit slippery at this point. I thought first person POV would be appropriate, but now I'm not too sure. Morgan is coming off a bit melodramatic. Not what I was going for. So I might try an exercise in third person limited today. Depends.

Apparently Writer's Digest will be releasing the names of the finalists in its short story contest this week. I'm not holding my breath, but I am crossing my fingers. Please, professional somebody, like my work. (Fingers hurting now.)

The Struggles of Perfectionism (In Myself and My Works)

There are a few things that I struggle with on a daily basis. As a person and as a writer.

The first thing is that I am a perfectionist. I drive myself crazy because I'm such a perfectionist. When I was in high school, I used to cry when I got anything less than an A. When someone criticized me, I took it to heart and did everything that I could to be better. I was a bully's fantasy.

And then I stopped caring so much. More about things that didn't matter (appearance, fashion, money, etc.) But this plague of perfectionism has never quite been cured, and I can see that most of all in my writing. FURY for example, is my downfall in perfectionism. Because no matter how hard I try or how many revisions it goes through, it's still not perfect. And it frustrates the heck out of me. But worse, like a little kid with a scab, I pick at it and pick at it until it's a bleeding mess. And the more it bleeds, the more I pick. Yuck.

My perfectionism binge tends to really kick in when someone is critiquing my work. I want everyone to just rave about how wonderful and brilliant and perfect it is. (Ok, we all want that.) And when someone has a nitpick, I track it down and see if I can fix it. Which, at times, can inhibit my work more than help it. I will fixate on that one problem and refuse to move on until I can make it better. Which means NO NEW WRITING.

Argh.

This isn't the fault of the critiquer. Not at all. It's just me and something I constantly have to overcome. And I really don't want someone to gloss over problem areas in my work for fear that I will do this... It's just an aggravation for me. I usually have to take a break from the work and just go do something else for a while. (I drew a picture of Achlys today, instead of writing on ONE THOUSAND.) Bad thing is, however, that I'm still not refocused enough to move on.

Double ARGH.

Death and Taxes

I'm usually thrilled to do my taxes. Why? Because of the big check that comes my way afterward, mmkay? I'm poor and overtaxed, so they give me some money because they feel sorry for me (well, not quite, but you get the picture).

Last night, however, I about had a melt down. I've been really stressed this past week (quarrels with friends (now bandaged, but still bruised), um, er, OTHER things (ladies, you know) and then money). It seems there is never enough money to live comfortably. Always just enough to scrape by (and I've got the raw skin to prove it) and make you really anticipate that next paycheck. Try planning a wedding with NO money saved up and you're just asking for disaster, right? Right.

But I've been chirping that I'll use my income tax for our wedding. So, that's almost stopped me from pulling out my hair and having stomach aches because of stress. Until last night. I got online to do my taxes (like I always do) and when it was all said and done, it said that I OWED money.

Could someone please staple my heart back into my chest, please. You'll have to use the defibrillator first, though.

I actually broke down and bawled. My fiance freaked out (he can't stand it when I cry) and tried to calm me. But you know men, they never say the right thing when you're half hysterical. I just kept screeching, "Kick me while I'm down, God. Just kick me while I'm down."

Jake (the fiance) then said the unthinkable, "It's not a big deal, babe. We can just get married at the courthouse. We don't need all that fancy ceremony stuff."

Silence. Then. Explosion. "ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I AM ONLY GETTING MARRIED ONCE AND I PLAN TO DO IT HOW I WANT IT, OK!!!!????"

He stared at me like I'd lost my mind. Which I had. I'm a little bit calmer now, but still upset. I'm just hoping that I messed up and all will be resolved with a professional accountant. I honestly do not make enough money (especially AFTER taxes) to have to give the government more. And you IRS cronies can make a note of that.

::Deep breath::

Ok, I'm calm now. This will be resolved. Please, dear God, let this be a mistake because it's really going to suck otherwise.

UPDATE: I'm still screwed. Apparently, I did know what I was doing and I still owe money. The accountant told me that I probably filed for more deductions than I should have on my W-4 and when I didn't file for them when I did my taxes, that's what screwed me. I have no idea how I ended up doing that, but the point is that I messed up and I still owe money. Goody. (I redid my W-4 today as soon as I got to work and even added that I wanted them to take out extra taxes, just in case.)

However, I was rewarded with a moment of realization on how much my fiance loves me. When I got home, he'd made a list of all the wedding expenses and how we were going to pay for them. He's going to sell one of his guns (and for him, that's like severing a limb) and use that money to pay for my dress. We're re-evaluating what matters most to us on the wedding and going from there. Now that I feel like we're on the same page, I'm calmer and I don't feel so alone and overwhelmed now. It still sucks, but it's gone down from heart-attack strength to stomach ache. An improvement. :)

Ideas Are A-Swimming

Since FURY is officially on the back burner until my beta reader (a wondrous and generous person) gets back with me (aside from the dreaded synopsis writing), I have been able to procure a few new story ideas.

I've got the itch again, people. The writer's itch. No fear, it's not contagious (except maybe to other writers).

I will be expanding ONE THOUSAND soon from its short story stagnation to a novella or even a novel. There's so much potential there that I'm not limiting myself.

But, I have to share a new idea with you. I had a very vivid, fantastic dream about a dark, outcast girl who inadvertently causes evil things to happen around her. She's even been accused of killing her parents. And when the beautiful Priestess goes missing, fingers point at our outcast. It doesn't help that everyone knows Outcast has a burning desire for the Priestess's lover, so of course she must have been the one responsible. But Outcast is freaking tired of the accusations and she's ready to prove all the idiot villagers wrong by going into the evil tree that has taken the Priestess and saving her. (And to assuage her own guilt that maybe she DID make this happen.)

And on that note, here's a picture of the Outcast, Morgan, as she prefers to be called.

Yes, I did draw that myself. I'm itching to draw Achlys (the MC in One Thousand) and will probably do so once I get my freaking taxes done.

However, I HAVE noticed a trend in my writing lately. Dark. Dark. Dark. I am a dark fantasy writer, people. Or a dark fantasy romance writer. Whichever. :)