Why Am I Doing This?: A Twix Analogy

Just a few minutes ago, I ate a Twix bar. Sounds, yummy, right? And it was supposed to be. But the caramel was all...chewy and crunchy at the same time. I should have stopped with the first bite, but I kept eating, thinking, "It's going to get better." It didn't. I finished the first bar and contemplated the second one. I was like, "Ah, what the heck, it can't be any worse, right?" Wrong. It was worse. It was like chewing caramel flavored rubber. The sad thing: I still ate it. All. Of. It.

"Why?" I asked myself even I was still chewing. "It's not tasty. You certainly aren't deriving any satisfaction out of it, and you really don't need the empty calories." And still, I ate it.

In a way, me eating that Twix is a bit like me revising a novel. I don't enjoy it. It often gives me a headache and sometimes it feels like a huge waste of time. And yet, I still revise and revise again.

You know what I did today? I rewrote the first chapter of FURY.

I KNOW. It surprised the heck outta me, too. Even as I was writing it, I was asking myself, "Why am I doing this? I'm supposed to be finished with this. On the shelf. Done." And, still, I wrote.

You know what the most amazing part of it was? I was actually excited. It was as if something finally clicked, and I finally took one of my Writer's Digest forumite's suggestions. (Thanks, hematite!) And I was thrilled because FURY was finally beginning to shape up. FINALLY.

It's a strange thing to trudge through something knowing that you probably should just leave it alone, but unable to do so. I'm just glad that, in the end, FURY will be more satisfying than that Twix.

It's FRIDAY (and I've had a lot of caffeine)

Caffeine doesn't usually effect me. Not even those nasty, syrupy energy drinks can keep me from yawning. But now I have discovered espresso. Espresso is WONDERFUL! I have had three shots within the last 30 minutes (made into a cappuccino) and OMG I'm so wired. I now must have my own espresso machine. So, if any of you are feeling extremely generous (because, you know, my birthday is coming up) just send one my way.

:D (That's a big smile with lots of teeth and crazy eyes.)

And it's Friday! Yay for Friday! My almost favorite day of the week. My more favorite day is Saturday, because, well, it's Saturday.

::chases after brain, wrestles it to the ground, tries to tie it back into skull::

:D

Okay, so I'm a little scatter-brained, but it's so nice. I do have a purpose. I promise. I am actually on here today to share some of my current aspirations/projects with you.

So, I revised DQ (that Dragon Queen for you newbies ::waves::) and then decided that after submitting the first chapter to two different critique groups (one with the old version and one with the new) I'm probably going to keep the old version...just incorporate some of the things in the new version. What's strange is that I've only gone through one revision on DQ and...I think it's ready. I haven't been querying for it, however, because I'm not sure if it's really ready or I'm just pretending that it is because I'm lazy and don't want to work on it anymore. But the more I hang on to it, the more I'm convinced that I don't need to do anything more to it.

This probably has to do a little bit with what Lydia talked about regarding her "near-perfect first draft." DQ was a write-one-chapter-and-have-it-critiqued-and-then-go-from-there kind of novel. So, my ideas were pretty solid by the time the first draft was finished. A few things popped in at the end, but they were easily taken care of. My writing got a polish, of course, and there were some scenes that were totally rewritten, but the revision was nearly as quick as writing the first draft (actually, it was quicker...since it took about 6 months to write the first draft and only 1 month to revise).

:D

(This is sad really, because I took about 3 months to write FURY (or the rest of FURY, it had been sitting around half-completed for a while) and revised for, like, a year.)

I even have a pretty good query for DQ (which, sadly, I still cannot say for FURY even though I've rewritten it a bazillion times). Not a perfect query, but a pretty darn good one. And I'm, like, still reluctant to polish it and send it out because I really think that there is absolutely no way my novel could be ready after only one revision, but when I go back and try to polish it up some more, I think I just end up making it worse. Which is, like, so uncool.

(Have you noticed how I'm using like? Hehe. Bad habit of mine when I'm hyper.)

So, those are the two BIG projects, but they haven't really been my focus as of late. I actually took a break from all novel writing and wrote a short story. (Gasp! Say it isn't so!) (Oh, and if you're from the WD forum and wondering why you haven't seen it, it's because it's NOT PG-13. Sorry.) I had a lot of fun writing the story and am planning to submit it to a magazine this month.

:D

More recently, I've picked up LAST OF THE ELVES and ONE THOUSAND. LotE has held my attention more because I've fallen back in love with my characters. They're just so different from all my other characters. And, I'm sorry, but of all my male MCs, I love Lial the most. He's just so freaking hot and sweet and tormented all at once. SIGH. And Minalea is so funny without meaning to be. She's sort of your damsel-in-distress type. She talks a lot, has big dreams, and is a general nuisance to Lial. FUN.

ONE THOUSAND is being stubborn. I'm writing a chapter from Elpis's POV and he's not cooperating. I thought I had him there for a moment when he was thinking about going home (Hi, Mom. Happy to see me? Good. Sorry to say that your other son is dead. Oh, and by the way, here is his murderess.) But then he had to go all silent on me and will not let me into his head. I guess I need a big rock to bash it against to get at the good stuff. (Wow, gory image.)

I've also got my evil tree story, tentatively titled THE MORGUE TREE. But, I don't know, it's so gloomy and depressing at the moment that I've sort of stayed away from it because I don't want to be in that mindset right now.

:D

Whew. That's a lot of projects. I need to get crackin'. Have a great Friday, everyone!