Conversations with Myself

I have been busy. Extremely so. Between helping out on my parents' farm (a neverending adventure) and going to class and doing homework and studying for the Praxis II, I haven't had much time for writing. Really, I haven't had much desire to write lately, period.

So the urge to write took me by surprise today. In fact, it happened right in the middle of reading the summary of Oedipus Rex. No idea why. I don't really like the play. But it really made me want to write.

And my class makes me want to write, too. I never realized how much of a grammar nerd I was until this class, but now I find re-learning the rules of grammar actually exciting. Now, instead of saying, "Well, that sentence looks funky, but I'm not sure why" I can actually point out why. (Yes, I am officially a dork.)

Also, being outside, counting cows, learning how to feed hay (and how to drive a huge diesel truck and operate a hay spear), cleaning, rearranging and all that it entails has really inspired me. I've actually caught myself daydreaming while out mucking stalls and chopping wood. A very good thing, because my daydreaming ability has been severely limited as of late. In fact, I believe that it is stifled by sitting in front of a computer screen all day. My best ideas don't come when I'm actually sitting down to write, but when I'm in the middle of doing something physical. Strange, huh?

Speaking of dreams, I also realized that I haven't really had a dream in a while. Granted, I want to be a teacher, so that is sort of a dream, but I tend to think of it more as a goal. A possibility. Something I will come to achieve sooner or later. It's within my reach as long as I keep reaching. But, in that sense, it's a bit depressing. When did I go from a girl with HUGE, practically impossible dreams to one with attainable goals? How boring is that?

What made me think this? My friend. She's continually dreaming up these grand ideas about what she wants to do with her life. She wants to operate a sign business (and is actually doing so now), but she also wants to open an indoor playground/daycare/gym/spa. (Yes, all combined into one.) If you took a picture of her idea, I'm sure it would glitter and have flashing lights and all that, because it is so BIG. It made me sad to think that I didn't have a BIG dream anymore.

What about becoming a novelist? Yes, what about that. I would call it a dream deferred. I haven't written anything in so long . . .I haven't even READ about publishing or querying or anything of that nature in so long, I feel disconnected from it all. Honestly, it feels as if I've given up on it.

I don't know why I feel like that. Maybe I'm suffering from an it's-time-to-grow-up-Wendy moment. Because, honestly, I would love to pursue that dream of being a published (and successful) novelist, but that dream has taken a backseat to the dream of having a job that is not only rewarding, but will give me the first opportunity in my LIFE to stop living paycheck to paycheck. Once I have that, I think I will  be able to focus more on writing. Actually, once I don't have a very important test to study for, I might start writing again. In the meantime, it's back to pursuing those little dreams (a.k.a. goals).

Why I've Been AWOL

It's not because of shiny objects, I promise.

I'm actually in the midst of a family crisis. It started the Tuesday before last when my stepdad fell off some scaffolding and severely injured his spine. Yes, severely injured his spine. It's as serious as it sounds. He's been in the hospital since and was just today transferred out of ICU and CCU. The road to recovery will be a long one.

Needless to say, most of my energies have been wrapped up with that and what energies I can spare have been devoted to school work, work-work and exercising (the last so I don't lose my sanity).

Sorry for my absence and general flakiness, I'll try to be better once things get slightly back to normal (which might be a long time . . .just a warning).

Secret-keeper or Blabbermouth?

I realized recently that I've kept my submission(s) for publication under the wraps. Maybe that sounds like I'm not submitting anything, too busy refining novels that have been refined to death and pouring new, horribly cliche ideas onto paper.

But I am submitting. I'm just more reluctant to tell people about it.

When I first got "serious" about being published, I told all my friends, relatives, coworkers and strangers on the street that I had this story out to that editor and queries out to those agents. I was so psyched just to be submitting, that I didn't really care (or consider) that my submissions might not be well-received. So when a few of them (okay, most of them) weren't, I was stuck with explaining the result to the people who were just dying to know when my story would be published. Can you say, awkward?

I'll take a dozen, please!

So, I've learned to keep it to myself. Not because I'm ashamed of submitting, or even worried it won't be accepted (there's a 50/50 chance), but I just don't want to have any more awkward conversations. Also, it's easier to deal with rejection when no one else knows you've failed (except, maybe, your spouse because your demands for chocolate therapy have exceeded their normal amounts). Also, there's some part of me that wants to keep my struggles getting published private for now. Because I haven't really "made it" yet, so all my failures are far outweighing my successes. One day, I look forward to making that "I've finally done it" speech, but for now, I'm just keeping my mouth shut.

What about you? Do you let everyone know you're trying to get published or keep it under wraps? Please, share!

Dystopian Novels and Real-Life Civil Rights

I recently read an article by Amy Alkon regarding her experiences with a TSA agent violating her civil liberties by sexually molesting her.

Some might think Ms. Alkon's take on the incident (being subjected to a pat-down) is extreme and overwrought. You might even think that she deserves to pay the $500,000 lawsuit filed against her for taking her story to her blog and accusing the agent of rape. But whether you think her outcry was justified or not, if you read any dystopian novels, it probably gave you a little twinge of unease.

There are many dystopian novels out there, especially when it comes to Young Adult literature, and of those I've read, many of them deal with a society where people have surrendered their rights (in most cases, willingly) for the "protection" of the government.

In The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins, children were sacrificed to a violent, sadistic game and forced to kill each other in exchange for the provisions the government provided.

In Matched by Allie Condie, people married not for love, but for biological and genetic purposes to produce the most viable offspring. The government tells the characters what to read, what to do and what to think. The consequences for going against the Society were severe and often included death.

In Delirium by Lauren Oliver, love is seen as a disease and people flock like sheep to be cured. Those who'd rather not be cured, are persecuted and exterminated.

These are just a couple examples, and each of them made me a tad uneasy when I read them because I see a parallel in our own society. Sure, it's just a pat-down right now (because why shouldn't we allow our persons to be violated just because we want to visit our grandma and paid an outrageous amount to do so?), but what else will we surrender for the "protection" of the government?

I'm not a radical or activist by any means, but I'm beginning to resent how much the government interferes in my personal life—something I will keep in mind this November.

Movie Time: Dragon Hunters

It's been a while since I've watched a movie that I cared to review. I'm not a movie critic, buff or fanatic by any means. But, thanks to Netflix, my movie-viewing options have expanded and, based on my likes and dislikes, it brought up the movie Dragon Hunters as a suggestion.

Dragon Hunters is not a new movie (or animation, however you choose to view it), but I'd never heard of it. But since the husband and I were bickering over whether to watch a bloody, gore-filled movie (his choice) or another episode of The Biggest Loser (I'm a junkie), we compromised with this.

O.M.G. I haven't been so amused by a cartoon in a long time. This movie literally shocked the laughter out of me. It was sweet, it was odd, it was just slightly WRONG. Hector, especially, the little blue rabbit/dog thing with extremely sharp teeth had me cackling like a senseless person. He farts fire and is obsessed with Zoe, following her around and growling "Girl!" Zoe, too, is a charming chatterbox, inspiring even the money-minded Gwizdo to become a hero. And Lian Chu is so sweet, and his deadly knitting needles cracked me up.

Plus, the animation is amazing. (At least it impressed me.)

I think if you enjoyed Shrek, you'd probably get a kick out of this movie. Check it out!

Note: This film was originally released in France, hence never hearing about it.

Hit or Miss? Does It Exist?

I recently finished reading Cassandra Clare's City of Bones and have to admit that I really enjoyed it (besides the whole Jace and Clare being related thing . . .I thought they both accepted it too easily, especially since it came from The Bad Guy and also since they had the hots for one another, but I digress).

As I was reading some of the reviews on Goodreads.com, however, I discovered that, while some others absolutely loved it, there were an equal number that absolutely loathed it. Rarely did I come across someone who was in the middle of the road. Which got me thinking about something that happened to me recently in a critique group.

I had been getting rave reviews (or critiques, whatever) on my story. Most of the critters thought the MC was funny, charming and spunky. They thought the story was interesting, the plot solid. They couldn't wait to read more.

And then I had a reader who wasn't so thrilled. Whereas the other readers found my MC likable, this reader found her annoying, selfish and vapid. She didn't like the setting, the fact that she was a princess, and a whole grocery list of other things.

Now, I value each and every critique I receive and have learned through experience that sometimes the most negative critique can be the most helpful, but as the critter's critiques progressed in much the same manner, I realized that there was very little I could do to "fix it" without compromising the whole story.

So I gathered all the critiques I'd been given on the story and combed through them, wondering what I could do to make the character more likable for this one person without taking away what other readers had come to admire about her.

The conclusion: I couldn't. The very things that some readers admired about my MC, were the same things the one critter couldn't stand. I struggled with this for a while, because I am nothing but the queen of let's-make-everyone-happy, but it took reading City of Bones for me to realize that there is such a thing as a hit-or-miss book.

Want another example? How about Twilight by Stephenie Meyer? Hate it or love it? Usually readers feel one way or the other. I have yet to come across someone who read it who was merely indifferent. So, a hit-or-miss is possible. And, better yet, it's okay. It's okay for some people not to like your character or your book, for that matter, because others will. I think it boils down to audience--who the book was written for. When I mentioned that possibility to the critter, it was, of course, shot down and I was credited with being a "bad writer," but the more I think on it, the more I believe that it's true. My book wasn't written for that person, but it was for all those others. I just have to learn to be okay with that.

What about you? Have you read any hit or miss books lately? Had this same writing experience? Please share!