Yoga is the Answer

I've recently discovered yoga. Yes, I knew it existed and I was always intrigued, but I never really tried it because A) Yoga classes are expensive and B) I'm extremely self-conscious and I don't like doing anything I might not be good at in public (I was atrocious at sports, btw) and C) I don't like stretching.

Yes, C is weird. I like doing 100 crunches and 30 minutes on the elliptical but you have to force me to stretch. Not sure why. Just one of my many crazy quirks, I guess.

But now, with this marvelous thing called the Internet and a nice-sized flat-screen monitor, I can find FREE yoga videos online.

Woohoo!

Now, ahem, lately I've been a bit of a witch with a B. I've been tired. Stressed. Sad. Angry. Etc. I've been nasty and mean and hateful and basically a pathetic human being. I blame it on the depression, which is an evil, evil thing. But some times are worse than others and I guess I just spiraled to that point where NOTHING pulls me out of the sludge. I'll be happy for, like, a split second and then hate the world for the next 48 hours. My poor fiance puts up with this. Even when I tell him "Get away from me!" one second and "You never cuddle me" the next.

And now I have discovered yoga. Did you know that studies have said that it's proven to treat depression? Hmm. Well, it couldn't hurt, I guess.

So, I find a 36-minute yoga video, push aside the ottoman and get at it.

Did I mention that when I started this I was EXTREMELY angry? Well, I was. Like, I'm going to rip someone's head off and stab them with toothpicks kind of angry.

It's really hard to stay angry when people are telling you to focus on your breathing, relax and empty your mind.

Yoga instructor in soothing voice: Empty your mind. Focus on the sensation of your breaths leaving your body. In and then out. Slowly. Slowly.

Me: No! I shall NOT empty my mind because I AM ANGRY AND I AM JUST DOING THIS BECAUSE I'M BORED AND NEED TO EXERCISE. Breathing. Breathing. Muscles burning. Breathing. Breathing. NO, I AM ANGRY AND--Breathing. Breathing. Relaxing. Empty mind. Brain=mush.

Yoga instructor: Good, now shift into downward dog, lifting your hips to the sky. Breathe. That's it. Feel your spine lengthening...

Me: Breathing. Breathing. . . . Empty mind....mmmm.

And then later I was like, crap, it totally ruined my angry moment!

But then I thought, This is good for me. I need to do this every day. Unfortunately, I can't do it in the morning before I go to work because it makes me sleepy. :)