You Don't Know What You're Getting Into...

Seriously, you don't.

So, stop reading and go back to YouTube. You don't want to read this.

Are you still reading?

All right, you've been warned.

To steal a quote from Avatar, life has been "pissing on [me] without the courtesy of calling it rain." It's been just one big spiral of suckiness and Brandi is trying to be optimistic (or at least realistic) but she is about to go freaking insane (as you can tell by her referring to herself in the third person).

It's hot here. It's Arkansas. So if it's not hot and humid, it's rainy and humid. I drive a black car. Which likes to overheat if I try to run the air conditioner. When it overheats, it starts blowing scorching hot air. Brandi has had three near-death experiences (yes, that's me being a drama queen). I thought a new thermostat (according to my fiance and his mechanic friends) would fix it. Nope. No such luck. So after I went around and around with the delivery company for losing my thermostat, I didn't actually need it.

Talk about ironic.

Got a new cell phone which enjoys fading other people's voices in and out so I can't hear them. More fun stuff.

Need a new mattress. Ours is, literally, a sagging rectangle of the most pathetic stuffing ever. And we've only had it a year. And I bought it BRAND NEW. AND IT WASN'T CHEAP AND I THINK IT HAS A WARRANTY BUT I CAN'T FIND IT AND EVEN IF I COULD FIND IT I WOULDN'T WANT ANOTHER MATTRESS FROM THE SORRY PLACE THAT I BOUGHT IT FROM IN THE FIRST PLACE.

And then, I was going to have this big clean-up/cook-out party at my parent's place to get everything ready for the wedding so that, instead of having to spend every weekend there from now until the wedding, we could enlist our friends to help and knock it out in one weekend. We would then reward them with hamburgers and beer. Sounds like a plan, huh?

Except for the fact that my fiance REFUSED to even consider it. He is one of those crazy rednecks who will give you the shirt off his back but, if he needs a shirt, refuses to take the one back that he just gave you. I love him for it, but it's frustrating the heck out of me. I tried reasoning with him, but, yeah, failure.

So I get to spend every weekend up to my wedding at my parents' house getting rid of crap that they said would be gotten rid of MONTHS ago. Just thinking about how much work has to be done makes me whimper. But, hey, maybe it will only take MOST of my weekends and not ALL of them.

I haven't been sleeping well because of all this stress. So, lack of sleep piled on top of stress has sent me into depression (which I really hoped to avoid...I'd been doing so well). The depression is so bad that I've considered going to my doctor and asking for a prescription. Or maybe a lobotomy.

In my American Lit class I heard the quote, "Depression is anger turned inward." But, I look at all this CRAP that I've just written about and I honestly don't know why I'm angry about it. Maybe that's why I'm turning it inward, because I know it's just stupid, petty stuff that doesn't matter and yet I let it get to me anyway.

There is one thing that I think I'm justified to be upset about, however. Over the weekend I found out that my grandmother (my only living grandparent) will probably not make it to my wedding because she hasn't been taking care of herself. (No, I don't think she's going to pass away, but her health isn't stable enough to make a trip.) So, I'm sad. Really sad.

I need a pick me up. Some good news. I need things to go smoothly for once.

Or some jokes. Anyone have some good jokes?

Dieting and Book Give-Away

I found a really neat website the other day that I thought I would share. It's called The Waistline Test. Now, this might sound like a dieting tool...and it is! But it's for your manuscript. You can "take the test" by entering up to 1500 words of your text into the text box. The test will then "measure" if your text is "lean," "fit & trim," "needs toning," "flabby" or is about to have a "heart attack" in five different areas: be-verbs, abstract nouns, prepositions, adjectives & adverbs and the use of it, this, that, there. Pretty handy to see where your story needs work. 

I entered the first couple hundred words of a short story I've never finished (just lost the spark for it) and this is what I came up with:

be- verbs	abstract nouns	prepositions	adjectives &adverbs	it, this that, there
lean	lean	lean	lean	lean
fit&trim	fit&trim	fit&trim	fit&trim	fit&trim
needs toning	needs toning	needs toning	needs toning	needs toning
flabby	flabby	flabby	flabby	flabby
heart attack	heart attack	heart attack	heart attack	heart attack

I never wanted to come back here . Five years ago I had left Arkansas behind with all of my redneck sensibilities , my farewell a finger in the air . But here I was back in the Natural State , sucked in by a force as inescapable as a black hole . I knew I should have never answered that phone call . I had let it ring as a sign of petty defiance . The answering machine picked up . My accent- free drone of “ This is Kevin . Please leave a message and I will return your call as soon as possible” didn’ t fool anyone— least of all my mother . “ Kevin ? This is your Mama . Pick up . I know you’ re there . ” Rolling my eyes , I picked up . “ Hey , Mom . ” “ How come you never answer your phone ? ” “ I couldn’ t get to it in time , ” I lied . She wasn’ t convinced . I had never been able to fool her . Sometimes I thought it was the mother- instinct , but perhaps she just knew me too well . “ So , what’ s up ? ” I asked , walking the few feet across my flat to stare down at the congested traffic below . I wasn’ t really interested in what she had to say , sure that it would be a combination of grandchildren news and thinly- veiled suggestions that I wasn’ t getting any younger . But she surprised me . “ Robert had a heart attack . You need to come home . ” The first sentence concerned me . The second one irritated me .  

Overall, the writing sample is fit and trim

Yeah, it messed up all my formatting, but that's not the point. The point is it visually highlights your weaknesses. Cool, eh? I found it particularly handy with my query, since it is just one of the things that needs to be as tight as possible. 

Also, I just wanted to let you know that Janice Hardy is giving away an ARC copy of Blue Fire, the next book in her Shifter series. I haven't had the chance to pick up Shifter, yet, but it's definitely on the top of my To-Read list. 

According to the Shifter's blurb: Nya is an orphan struggling for survival in a city crippled by war. She is also a Taker--with her touch, she can heal injuries, pulling pain from another person into her own body. But unlike her sister, Tali, and the other Takers who become Healer's League apprentices, Nya's skill is flawed: She can't push that pain into pynvium, the enchanted metal used to store it. All she can do is shift it into another person, a dangerous skill that she must keep hidden from forces occupying her city. If discovered, she'd be used as a human against her own people.

Rumors of another war make Nya's life harder, forcing her to take desperate risks just to find work and food. She pushes her luck too far and exposer her secret to a pain merchant eager to use her shifting ability for his own sinister purposes. At first Nya refuses, but when Tali and other League Healers mysteriously disappear, she's faced with some difficult choices. As her father used to say, principles are a bargain at any price; but how many will Nya have to sell to get Tali back alive?

Sounds pretty cool, eh? Check it out!

EDIT: I think I  fixed the link to Ms. Hardy's give-away. 

What do you think you are doing???

I've been silent this past week so that all the sparkles and glitter and well-wishes could befall my author-friends and guest features. But my week has not been so silent, and I have LOTS to tell you about!

First, the 4th of July weekend. We went hiking through tick-infested trails and, while doing so, Brandi (the graceful being that she is) fell down a slope. I landed HARD on my tailbone, but still managed to save my dog (whom I was carrying). I laughed it off through gritted teeth at the time, since I was in the presence of my fiance's 13-year-old sister and wanted to be oh-so-mature. When, really, all I wanted to do was howl like a baby. AND FOR GOOD REASON. As my fiance, ahem, discovered later, my backside has two very large, very ugly bruises on it. Attractive, no? And then, as we were walking back to the truck (me: limping slightly, still carrying my chihuahua, who couldn't keep up very well), fiance's sister steps on a TIMBER RATTLESNAKE! I am not even joking. And she wouldn't have even known if I hadn't flipped out and screamed, SNAKE! And then I had to poke and prod the baby rattler (did I mention it was a baby? About a foot long) to get it off the path. (I, honestly, am messed up in the head a little. I mean, who in their right mind tries to get a snake off the path with a STICK? But I guess it was a very laid-back snake, because it just wriggled away.)

After this excitement, the week decides to take me on a freakin' one-way flight to Frustration-ville. Fiance's truck breaks down. So we've been running around getting parts and sharing a vehicle. (Fun.) And then the thermostat that I ordered for my car was supposedly delivered but WASN'T. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't had to jump through a million hoops just to talk to someone about it. So I'm all revved up to start yelling at people and then they have to go be all nice about it and say, Oh, so sorry. Do you want us to send you another?

::Deflation::

Uh, yes please?

And then there is my WIP, Last of the Elves. I've been having a lot of fun with it, I'll admit. But then, of course, Minalea has to go and be all stubborn and weird on me. And even as I'm screaming at her, No, you can't do that! She does it anyway. (I know, it doesn't make sense, but writers understand.)

So, what do I do?

I go play with FURY again. Which, of course, got me nowhere and Liz (the moderator of the WD Sci-Fi/Fantasy forum) gave me a virtual whack upside the head with her moderator stick. (Don't worry. I asked for it.)

Which also reminds me that I need to get my (bruised) rear in gear and send out more queries. But apparently I need to shorten my synopsis a bit. Sigh.

So, lots to do. I'm even getting my engagement pictures taken today. Woohoo! (I'll be sure to share!)

Oh, and on a side note. Don't rent Hot Tub Time Machine and watch it with a 13-year-old. Not one of Brandi's brighter ideas. (I SWEAR I didn't know it was going to be THAT bad.)

Guest Post: Not a Modicum of Motivation by Tim Turner

Hi, everyone, and welcome! Today's post will feature Tim Turner's take on motivation. I met Tim through Writer's Digest Sci-Fi Fantasy Forum as well and, let me tell you, he has a talent for descriptive imagery. But here's Tim describing himself in his own words:

Tim is a pretty all around strange guy. You probably don't want to know more about him than that. He is as of yet unpublished and the only real recognition he's ever gotten was from a celebrity onTwitter who tweeted at him, "your kinda strange," verbatim. You can't really say the celebrity was wrong, because Tim did after all write his entire bio in the third, which is not only strange but borderline creepy. He and a handful of others write SF reviews at The SF Scrivener.


And, now, onto the post!

Not a Modicum of Motivation

By and by, your attention becomes so intently focused that you no longer notice the raw knuckles, the cramping thighs, the strain of maintaining nonstop concentration. A trancelike state settles over your efforts; the climb becomes a clear-eyed dream. Hours slide by like minutes. The accumulated clutter of day-to-day existence--the lapse of conscience, the unpaid bills, the bungled opportunities, the dust under the couch, the inescapable prison of your genes--all of it is temporarily forgotten, crowded from your thoughts by an overpowering clarity of purpose and by the seriousness of the task at hand.

~Jon Krakauer, Into the Wild

Why write?

Writers are accustomed to mulling over the many motivations that drive their characters to plunge headlong into the sticky miasma of conflicts their sadistic brains lay out for them. But what is it that ensnares a person in the psychic torment of a writer's life?

Reading /Into the Wild/ aroused this question of motivation in me, a question that demands an immediate answer. I feel paralyzed in its wake. There's a tear-wrenching fist twisting in my gut holding me en route. As I search for an answer, no matter where I start, I keep coming back to the engimatic nature of youthful wanderlust. What is it that brings out the haughtiness in a young man, that makes him need to conquer the world itself--to stand at the highest peak, look out into the panorama of beauty, wrapped in the all encompassing blanket of nature, and then secretly utter into the infinite abyss, "Fuck you"?

I'm convinced that the same thing in a young guy's psyche that pulls on his heart strings to climb to the highest mountain in view and openly sever any connection with society can translate, or actually does translate, into male author's works as an almost unavoidable theme. But even moreso, I find it my underlying motivation to why I write. Why climb the highest mountain, when I can create a mountain even bigger and then have some fictional derivation of myself climb it for me?

So what exactly is the motivation to write? I'm gonna go with genetics for now. I'll let you know if I think of something more convincing.

So how about you? Why write?

Author Spotlight: Amanda Sablan

Hi, Amanda, and thank you again for giving us all the opportunity to learn a little bit about you. 

First, would you tell us a little bit about yourself?

Well, I'll be starting college in the fall, and hopefully within another year or so I can transfer to a school out in California, where I will pursue degrees in English and Theater. People say I don't act my age, but in a good way. I enjoy being outside and visiting new places, and of course, I love to write, but I also love to act. Right now I'm just focusing more on writing.

 

Is writing something you always wanted to do?

I wish I could say it was, but I only thought of being a writer in the seventh grade, and it wasn't until I entered high school that I became passionate about it. No other career ideas would stick with me.

 

Do you write in one specific genre or do you like to branch out?

I think I'd go crazy with boredom if I stayed put in one genre! What I write involves a mash-up of genres, sometimes strange ones that you wouldn't think would work. The only one I would consider writing in by itself would be literary, but I don't know if I could do it.

 

Who's your favorite author? How have they influenced your writing?

This is such a difficult question, as with everybody, but I would have to say that my favorites (sorry, I can't make it singular) are JK Rowling, Tom Perrotta, Zoe Heller, Jennifer Weiner, Shannon McKenna, Natsuo Kirino, and Ryu Murakami. All of their books have influenced my writing in some way, whether it's getting me interested in literary fiction or helping me understand the third person POV (which is what I use) and Japanese culture. The author that has had the most influence on me, however, is JK Rowling, because it was reading Harry Potter into the wee hours of the night that ultimately made me decide to become an author. Though she writes fantasy, her characters are still very much human with very real, very human, problems. And that's a powerful thing.

 

What is your writing style? Are you an outliner? A pantser?

You know, I had never even heard of the word "pantser" until I started blogging! It sounds so weird... Anyway, I was entirely a pantser as a newbie author. Now that I'm on my second book, I do both: I write very general outlines without much detail and leave the rest up to chance, which gives the story an edge in feeling both spontaneous and natural. Besides, it's fun not always knowing what's next!

 

When you write, what is your greatest struggle and how do you overcome it?

That would probably be getting myself to write even when I don't feel like it. I can write seven days a week, and there may only be three days where I feel I'm producing good work. But the reality of this business is that you won't always have that sense of glorious inspiration every single day, so you have to work through it. Sometimes the inspiration will come, other times it won't. What I do is read a great book or even watch a movie beforehand and let all the words and images sink in, which generates ideas and  reawakens my passion for creating. Once I'm ready to force myself to get to work, I put on music. That always helps me keep the passion alive.

 

What is the best advice you ever received in writing?

Close contest! But I'd have to go with this: character building comes in time, with your own personal experiences, and even someone else's, whether real or fictional. You can't create an elaborately human character right off the bat; it will take time to learn about their quirks and fears and abilities and issues, and how they fit in with the story. But if you believe in your characters, in time you will come to know and love them, as will your readers.

Great advice. I'll have to write that down. :)

 

What projects are currently in the works? Anything out on submission?

Scarily enough, yes, I do have my first novel out on submission. It's called The Age of Tomorrow, and it's a literary thriller with a dash of spiritual fantasy that takes place primarily in Japan. So far, after almost four months of querying, I have gotten a partial request, and I'm still waiting on a reply.

Congratulations! Querying is scary business, but it's great that you're making some headway.

 

Any advice for your fellow writers?

Keep at it. If writing is truly what you love to do, and you cannot see yourself doing anything else, penning that great novel will surely happen, even if it takes your entire life. More than that, though, if you feel there's a higher purpose for what you do, your chances for publication will, I believe, increase exponentially. It's not enough to love the craft. Just keep at it, every day. The world would be such a better place if we all learned to just persevere and cultivate patience. It took me four years to figure out where I wanted to go with my book, and then write it, and then have confidence in it. But I would have been willing to spend decades going after my dream; I'm just lucky it didn't take that long (to write the book, I mean). Now I have finding an agent to worry about...

 

 

Thank you so much for having me, Brandi! It's been a pleasure.

Thank you, Amanda! For those of you who would like to learn more about Amanda Sablan, check out her entertaining and informative blog That Unpublished Writer .

Author Spotlight: Brad Leslie

Hi, everyone, and welcome to our first Author Spotlight. I'm super excited about this one, since I met Brad via the Writer's Digest Sci-Fi/Fantasy Forum where he always has something hilarious to add to any topic.

Hi, Brad. Please tell us a little bit about yourself.

Well, let's see...I'm 39 years old, and I live in Louisville, Ky., with my two sons, Hunter (9) and Blake (5) and my dog, a very...energetic...Malamute/Lab mix named Starbuck.  I work as an instructional assistant in an elementary school special-needs class.  In the fall, we'll have six kids with autism, and four who are developmentally delayed and haven't received any other labels yet.  Between my own kids and the kids in my class, I guess it's safe to say that kids are my life.

Is writing something you always wanted to do?

Definitely.  I've been obsessed with stories since long before I started school, making my own tales up and telling them to other kids in the neighborhood before I learned to write.  My first written story was an atrocious little piece called "Wookie World", inspired by the Star Wars Holiday Special (sorry, Mr. Lucas, it exists, we saw it and remember it, and you can't wish it away) that came on tv when I was seven years old.  It was horrible, but it was my first foray into putting my imagination into words, and I haven't stopped since.

Do you write in one specific genre or do you like to branch out?

I don't stick to one specific genre, but I do tend to write what I like to read, which is mostly fantasy, sci-fi, horror, and humorous "informal essay"-type articles.  If I came up with a good idea for a murder mystery, I would embrace it with gusto, even though I don't read much mystery outside of Sherlock Holmes, and don't think I'd be a very good mystery writer.  Historical fantasy might be fun to try...

Who's your favorite author? How have they influenced your own writing?

    

That's really a tough one...I'd guess I have two favorite contemporary authors.  I love reading Stephen King because he's first and foremost a great storyteller, and I hope I can create characters like his:  characters that feel so real, you can't help but be concerned when the monsters come out.  The other is Dave Barry.  Whether it's reading through his newspaper columns or his novels, I laugh out loud constantly.  He's definitely been an influence on my use of humor.  There are so many others who have influenced me in one way or another that's it's hard to pick favorites; Tolkien, Lewis, Stephen R. Donaldson, Piers Anthony...I could write an entire book about authors whose work I love.

What is your writing style? Are you an outliner? A pantser?

I'd have to say I'm a pantser.  I have a general idea of where the story is supposed to go, and I almost always write the final line before the first, but I love the surprise twists and turns that my characters take me on during the journey to that ending.  I long ago learned that if I outline anything, that outline is quickly abandoned, so I just gave myself over to the joy of discovery.

When you write, what is your greatest struggle and how do you overcome it?

I'd say my biggest struggle is that I agonize over every word, constantly seeking the perfect combination of words to tell my story.  When I catch myself doing this, I force myself to just keep writing.  I've discovered that getting the story out at this stage is more important that getting it perfect.  Write it now, clean it up later.

What is the best advice you ever received on writing?

I think the best advice I've ever received was when someone told me (and I can't for the life of me remember who) that writers don't find time to write, they make time to write.  Being a single dad, time is in very short supply, and if I waited to find the time for story, it would never happen.  So, I make it happen.  I take time from somewhere else.  Instead of relaxing by playing video games, I write (this one's tough, especially with my Lego game addictions).  Instead of watching tv or re-watching a favorite movie at the end of the day, I write.  The only things I don't take time away from is being Dad (my kids are my best story ever, and I have to help them write it until they can take over for themselves), and reading.  Writers have to read. Period.  

Ditto.

Great (and poignant) advice.

What projects are currently in the works? Anything out on submission?

I don't have anything out on submission right now; nothing's quite ready for that yet.  I have a fantasy I'm working on, "Sword of Glass", which was born from a dream  in which I was holding a sword made of obsidian.  As I started writing it, it took on its own life, and I realized that writing this story was (and is) helping me deal with a lot of the issues I've been struggling with in my life for the past few years.  I'm going on a very personal journey with the characters that populate this tale, and it's certainly my main work at the moment.  I'm also working on "The Hundredth Monkey", a sci-fi comedy that comes from my fond memories of "The X-Files" and my love of mistaken-identity stories and snarky banter.  I'm also working on two children's books, "The Adventures of Hunter and Stanley", a story I started on when Hunter was born, about a boy and his best friend, a dragon named Stanley, and "Monkeys in the Attic", a picture book for young readers.  I'm designing and illustrating these two as well, so you can imagine that they move quite a bit more slowly than my others.  I always have two or three short stories in the mix somewhere, as well.

Awesome. We'll all be keeping a sharp eye on the bookshelves. ;)

Any advice for your fellow writers?

Keep at it.  Don't let anyone discourage you.  A little over ten years ago, someone told me that I would never make it, and to "get real", give up my dream and get over it.  I listened.  I finally got myself back on track a couple of years ago, but I spent a few miserable years with no heart in between.  Believe in yourself, and believe in your dream.  Make the time to write, and make it happen.

Thanks so much, Brad. To learn more about Brad, look up his amusing and random (but in a totally good way) blog, Bradley's Brain . 

Hello from the other side of a 3-day weekend!

Aren't three-day weekends wonderful? Except, you know, for having to go back to work after a three day weekend?

I have lots to tell you guys but no time to do so. However, I wanted to keep you up to date on our contest winners! Tim will be guest posting and Brad and Amanda have opted for author spotlights. And they will all be posted this week. Are you excited? I am! Some good stuff here!

I hope everyone had a wonderful (and safe) Fourth of July. I escaped without burns (though fireworks are mysteriously drawn to me), but with a bruised tailbone and multiple bug bites. More on that later!