I didn't have a great weekend. Instead, like the pendulum of a clock, it kept swinging back and forth between good and bad. So, in the end, I guess it evened out.
I can't really remember Friday. I think it consisted of me reading a book when I got home (Once An Angel by Teresa Medeiros).
Saturday morning I went with my mom and my four-year-old cousin to Afton, Okla., to a swap meet. For those of you city-folks that don't know what a swap meet is, it's where lots of farmers and country-folk get together with their products (be that animals, plants, or crafts or just junk they found in their backyard) and try to sell it or, in some instances, "swap" for it. Hence, the name: swap meet (meet to swap). (And I just totally made that up, but it makes sense, doesn't it?) Apparently, I am a dork and an "old maid" because I enjoy spending a day looking at chickens and cats and dogs and goats and just looking at stuff. But I mainly enjoy petting the animals. And then there is this AWESOME Mexican restaurant down the road that is TO DIE FOR. So, yeah, I also go for that.
Fiance is off with his friends down at the creek when I get home (about 4 p.m.). I shampoo the carpets, read some more, and then decide to my mom's and watch Chipmunks: The Squeakquel and eat pizza. When I get home, Fiance gives me a hard time because I'd rather spend a Saturday with my mom than hang out with people my own age. To which I start crying because this is a really sensitive subject with me. The truth: I don't really have friends my own age to hang out with because they fall into one of two categories. One: They are party animals and all they do is drink and party and drink and party. It only took me a month to grow out of that phase, so I have a tendency to be bored with it. (Plus, my body doesn't like copious amounts of alcohol and it's irritating AND boring to watch other people get drunk.) Two: They are mommies. And all they want to talk about is their sweet (ugly) baby and what their doo-doo looks like. And LOOK they spit up everywhere and OMG isn't that so cute??? (I shall go somewhere and barf now.) And if I can somehow manage to get mommy away from her sticky-handed children, they're STILL all she wants to talk about. AND I DON'T CARE. REALLY! I DON'T!!! I have no children. None. And so I have no interest in talking about yours. I want to talk about OTHER things. Things that are fun and interesting. Not your child's bowel movements. I want to talk about books or movies or politics. I want to have adult conversation and do adult things that don't necessarily involve drinking until your eyeballs float. Mmkay?
And since I can't find that in someone my age, I hang out with my mom. To which Fiance tells me: make new friends. Like it's easy. Like I can just go snag somebody on the street and say, "Be my friend!" and they'll be deliriously happy to do so. I can't. I just can't. I'm shy. People have hurt me. Hurt me badly. I don't trust easily and I have a super-low self-esteem (which, for some reason, comes off as me being "stuck up") so I don't think people will like me. And when you don't think people will like you then it's really hard to put yourself out there to try to get them to like you. Thus, my dilemma.
So, I cried. And I still feel like crying, but I promised I would call a friend to see if she wanted to go to the farmer's market with me this Saturday. If she can get her husband to watch the kiddos. If she's even interested in stuff like that.
For Easter, we went to Jake's family's house. Where I hung out with the guys and played horseshoes and watched all the kids drag my poor dog around. But, I had fun. It wasn't that bad, really. But you will also notice that I hung out with the GUYS, because all the girls wanted to talk about was their kids. And, like I mentioned above, I don't care. I spent the rest of the day digging a strawberry patch. Which involved moving cinder blocks and burying them to a certain level. Gratifying work and it made me peaceful and happy.
Then, my brother calls this morning. "Guess what? I'm putting the house your living in up for sale."
Another deflation. It was just starting to feel like home. But, it's okay. I'm not mad at him or anything, because I knew it was going to happen eventually. But I really don't like the idea of people coming into the house and looking at my things and bothering my animals. ::frowny face::
We'll be moving soon, I believe.
(Oh, and still haven't heard back from other agents. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.)
Hey, you should come to Conway April 15 for my creative writing presentation. I'll actually be arriving at Little Rock and the 13th. It could be fun to hang out! And I don't like to drink too much either. :P
ReplyDeleteConway? Hmm. Never been there. I might swing by!
ReplyDeleteHey, I don't drink at all. And don't say your an old maid and a dork because you like checking out animals and what not! That means I must be one too! You should try coming by Woodford IL sometime. The whole area is farmers, and what towns we do have are small farm towns. But I like it; I'm totally into the whole farming thing; heck, I live on one!
ReplyDeleteWe're about an hour from Peoria... which also rocks.
Be who you are. You sound more mature and intelligent and refined than a lot of people your age.
ReplyDeleteDon't ever TRY to make new friends; friendship doesn't work that way.
Be who you are, and folks who like who you are will find their way to you.
And if you enjoy swap meets, go. I'm a flea-market junkie myself, and I dare anyone to call me an old maid.
Why, I'd smack that whippersnapper upside the head with a comically over-sized purse full of bricks.
@ Star
ReplyDeleteIllinois is a bit out of my way...but if I ever find myself near there, I'll let you know. ;)
@Brad
Maturity is my problem, I think. I was "old" at thirteen and it has definitely stifled my fun (or what most teenagers consider fun). I guess my fiance and I just have our own definitions of the word. :) No worries though, it will all work out.
Thanks for your encouragement!
Eh, yeah, you are only 23 I can completely understand the not wanting to be around mommies all the time LOL. I am 28 and the older you get the more mommies there are LOL. But the only other people I seem to know are partiers, too. I went through that phase for awhile but I left that behind awhile back. I think that is why these blogs and things such as the WD Forum are so good; people like us must be few and far between!
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear about the rollercoaster weekend. But you seem to have a really optimistic or at least resilient spirit so I'm sure you will find some solutions!
@ Kim
ReplyDeleteIf we are few and far between, does that make us the weirdos? Lol. I guess so. :)
If we ARE the weirdos, might I pose a question?
ReplyDeleteWhy on Earth would you want to be normal?;)
I know I'm a late commenter, but just wanted to say I understand the difficulty in making friends. My self-confidence has improved so much, but I'm still such a homebody. Most of my friends are writers and gamers. I've never had a drink of alcohol, don't even really like the smell. (Had beer spilled on me once at a college dance, and I felt gross the rest of the night.)
ReplyDeleteSorry about the kid-centric mommies out there. I swear many of us are not like the ones you keep facing. I like talking about my son, but as an extension of conversation that usually segues into other topics non-kid related. Can't avoid talking about my kid, but I do enjoy discussing adult themed topics, too. Even with the bond of mommyhood and common classroom, I still have a hard time talking to the parents of my son's classmates. Go figure.
As to normal: normal is a setting on the washing machine. (No, it's not my phrase. I wish it was.)