I've always struggled with an extremely low self-esteem. It can be attributed to a number of things, but I try not to dwell on it. Still, I have a very big voice in my head that's constantly muttering "You can't do that," "No one likes you," "Everyone hates your story," "Go eat worms," blah blah blah.
When the voice starts screaming at me, I often have to take a break. Usually from reality. So, I'll immerse myself in a novel (someone else's, not mine) or play mindless computer games, trying to drown out that voice with someone else's.
Right now, the voice is screaming. It tends to do that a lot when I'm working on FURY. I don't know if it's trying to warn me that it's a worthless novel and to move on, or if it's just me being stupid. What I hate is that the writer can't shut out the voice to look at it objectively. Part of me will always think it's a story worth telling, while another part of me will always think it's a load of crap. And you know what the saddest part is? I don't have this kind of struggle with Dragon Queen. It's possible that is because Dragon Queen was written more for fun. I enjoyed the process and the story. Jade was so easy to write--perhaps because she was the lighter side of my writing ability (or disability). Fury and Caden are difficult. At times, I even dislike them. Which is strange--because a writer should never dislike her characters, right? (With maybe the exception of the villains.)
Sigh. Oh well. I shall forge ahead.
What a time to mention this. I am going through the exact same thing right now, which is funny considering last week I felt like I was on top of the world, polishing up the greatest novel in history, and there was no end to what I could do.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry, Brandi, your book is great. You needn't doubt yourself. :)
Thanks, Emily. I appreciate your support. And you hang in there, too. Auremenas (I probably spelled that wrong) is a great read. :)
ReplyDeleteBrandi! You are an awesome writer and never forget that. You will figure out what you need to do to get things right with Fury, which is an awesome read. You can do it!
ReplyDeleteI fall in a slump with my writing too sometimes. I think I stink and that I'll never get published because it just seems too impossible, but then I realize that it's the wrong mindset. Try to overwhelm the negative with the positive thoughts about your writing. The negative should only be there to keep you from flying to la la land and having too big of a head to improve your writing. But never let the negative put your talent down because you have it! I believe in you and I know you'll get through this.
Suzu ^_^
I had some jokes to add based on some comments you made, but I'd thought I'd be serious for once.
ReplyDeleteYou are uber-talented and, as I've mentioned before, me'n Lexi both think you're adorable.
Any deficiencies are mental, kid.
Wait, I mean they're in your head. Not real. Hence mental. Just your perception.
Almost made it through without a joke. =)