Subjectivity (and when to go with your instincts)

I've posted the first chapter of DQ in my new critique forum and OMG it has exploded. But what amazes me the most is how some people totally "get" my character and others miss her personality entirely. Jade has a very wry, self-deprecating sense of humor, and while a lot of people were like "Ha! So funny!" some were like "I don't like her. She's whiny and immature."


Now, I will admit that I'm a people pleaser. I try to make EVERYONE happy, but I ended up putting my foot down here. Jade is exactly how I want her to be...and that's that. Not everyone will "get" her, I suppose, but those that do I think will enjoy her personality.

Another thing that came up regarding Jade was her being categorized as the "stereotypical rebellious princess." That bothered me. So, I'm amping up her uniqueness. To organize my thoughts, here are some things I'll be trying to convey:

• Yes, Jade is rebellious, but she doesn't hate/resent her life. She just would like a little more freedom.
• Her parents disapprove of her interest in dragons, which is why she often sneaks off to the dragon rock and reads books about them in secret.
• She is pretty, but she doesn't really think about that. She thinks of herself as awkward and a bit lacking compared to her beautiful sisters. Mainly, it's because of how her mother (Queen Gemera) treats her compared to her other siblings.
• She is more at home under the stars than in a gilded bedchamber.
• She does not have any intentions of "running away" from an arranged marriage. She's known all her life that her husband would be chosen for her, she just doesn't necessarily like the idea. The thing she flips out about is that her intended husband is a DRAGONSLAYER.
• She is considered odd and an outsider by the people of Thorndarl, but she's not hated or shunned or ridiculed. She just bemuses people.

I'll try to convey this better in the first chapter, but, I'm have to shake my head a little at the people who want all this character building shoved in the first chapter. It's a novel, people. That means it has room to breathe and room to grow. I don't want my character to come across as stereotypical, but I'm not going to change her to make everyone happy. 

I'll Never Be As Cool As This!

So, Tahereh has invaded the blogosphere with another awesome contest. I was lucky enough to have her comment on my blog a couple of times, so I naturally followed her home and found her blog (which I now follow religiously (or is it anti-religiously?)). But anyways, if you can come up with a story of how you are bestie best friends with her, you can win some awesome prizes, including a critique of the first 10 pages of your novel by Tahereh's agent Amy Tipton or a critique of your query by the (in)famous Rejectionist . Plus money for books and FREE books. Yay!

Here's the link , but I must warn you that I'm going to knock her socks off (or at least shoes) with my bestie-best friend story so bring your A game.

Mediocrity (Meow) and all that it enTAILS

Dork Moment:

I used to watch those $5 cartoons that you'd buy at the grocery store as spin-offs of the Disney stories because, well, my parents weren't made of money. But! There was this one cartoon about a cat, fishing, who sang a little song about Curiosity. For some reason, I still remember it. And then, today, I rewrote it to fit my life.

Original version:

Curiosity. Meow.
Curiosity. Meow.
Don't know why
I snoop and pry
To satisfy
My cur-i-os-ity!!!
Meow.

Brandi's version:

Mediocrity. Mawr.
Mediocrity. Mawr.
Don't know why
I try and try
No one'll buy
My med-i-oc-rity!!!
Mawr.

Yes, I know. It's a bit self-deprecating, but it made me smile somehow.

As far as cats go, you might be happy to know that my cat no longer resembles a zombie, though he is still a bit odd looking. He's feeling much better though. Last night he was helping me cut out a pattern for the chair that I'm reupholstering (i.e. attacking the scissors, measuring tape, fabric and MY HANDS (I was bleeding. Seriously). Gypsy (my chihuahua) had to do her part as well and dug two very well-placed holes in my cushion. Needless to say, there was foam EVERYWHERE when I got home and I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

I did a fair amount of cussing, I know. Most of it, however, was at the sewing machine and not my animals. Sewing machines are evil. EVIL. I can figure out most mechanical things and I can't figure out how to thread the bobbin! ARGH!!! (It didn't occur to me to look on the internet for instructions (since the machine didn't come with any.))

But I have learned my lesson! Never again will I try to reupholster a chair. Or sew anything using a machine. Not unless I want to either A) Go insane or B) Kill someone. Most likely someone covered in fur. Or myself.

I hate being a grown-up

I was never one of those girls who was like "OMG, I can't wait until I'm sixteen, eighteen, twenty-one, etc." I looked on every year of my life that I lived with a sense of nostalgia. One year older meant fewer things I could get away with. No more dolls. No more make-believe. No more asking Mom for money.

Growing up meant hormones, bills, and responsibilities. Being a grown-up, despite it's perks (freedom from parents (sort of), ability to consume alcohol legally, voting, driving, etc.) really sucks most of the time. And I'm tired of it. I just want to ESCAPE being a grown-up for a little while.

Right now I'm in the middle of all these people and all their crap. My fiance wants to move to the country, which is fine, but he wants to move to the other side of the county, which would take me away from my family, my friends, and all the places that I'm familiar with. Maybe I'm a coward, but I like the familiar. I'm comfortable with the familiar. And I'm really bad at growing accustomed to new situations. (It scared the bejesus out of me to move into a place with my fiance (then boyfriend) and it took me MONTHS to get used to it.) The lady that he's wanting to rent from can't make up her mind though. She's not sure when we'll be able to move in. She wants to leave some of her stuff there. Etc. She can't make up her mind!!!!

Meanwhile, we're renting from my brother. It's a really great deal, a nice house with a big yard (even if it is in the middle of town) and it's reasonably quiet. We don't have to worry about a flighty landlord or nosy landlord. We pretty much can do as we please as long as we don't go knocking walls down. Well, my brother said he was going to put the house on the market. Which, to me, was the signal that we should look for somewhere to rent. But, as I have mentioned, the lady doesn't know when we'll be able to move in. So I can't tell my brother when we're moving out (if ever). And then, after I tell the lady, YES we are interested in renting from you, my brother decides not to put his house on the market after all. So, shit, we can't move out without making sure he has renters ready to move in. (This is not his stipulation, it's something I feel obligated to do since he was helping me out.) But WE DON'T KNOW WHEN WE CAN MOVE INTO THE OTHER PLACE!

Finally, I became so stressed out that I told Jake (fiance) with tears in my eyes that I couldn't take the constant NOT KNOWING anymore. Plus, our wedding is only FIVE months away and everything is being done in THIS area, so could we please just decide that we're staying where we are at until after the wedding. AT LEAST. He agreed, but with the stipulation that I have to tell the lady that we're no longer interested in the house right now.

Fucking figures.

And then my brother sends me a text message today saying that WE are stressing HIM out because of this constant "we're moving, no we're not" (as if he knows what the hell I'm going through) and gets all waspish with me and says "I'm going to make you sign a new contract after your wedding" which I say is reasonable, but it still hurts because I'm not meaning to stress anyone out (and HELLO, have you seen my mental breakdowns?) and I hate that all this somehow has become MY FAULT. (It wasn't MY decision to try to move somewhere else. Okay? That was all the FIANCE's idea. So why the fuck am I the one who has to call the lady???)

Meanwhile, I still have to call the lady and tell her we're not interested, which makes me feel like crap because I feel like I led her on. But, really, it's the other way around. And I feel bad for her because the whole reason she's moving is to be closer to her father who is dying of cancer and OMG, could I be any more GUILTY???

(And, no, I don't care that I've used multiple run-on sentences.)

(And I apologize for the cuss words. Sorry.)

Voices in My Head

The first critique group I ever had was in college Creative Writing class. And, I will be perfectly honest here, I didn't benefit much. Don't get me wrong, there were some people who knew what to critique and what to leave alone and then there were people who didn't have a clue.

There were more in the latter category.

Like any other writer, I like to hear people praise my work, but that does nothing for me if I KNOW there is something wrong with it and they won't point it out to me. Even if THEY know there is something wrong with it. Most of the time, my most helpful critiques came from my professors (imagine that).

Once I left college behind, I decided that I still needed/craved feedback on my work. I had my doubts and reserves about my work. I knew that it wasn't perfect, but I also didn't think that it was so bad that I should just abandon it. But I needed improvement. So, I joined Writer's Digest Sci-Fi/Fantasy Forum.

These people helped me in so many ways. And, amazingly, they helped me grow as a writer more than any of my college critique groups. I learned the weaknesses in my writing. I learned the value of voice and style. I could actually put a name to character viewpoint and on and on. They've seen both FURY and DRAGON QUEEN and have helped me immeasurably on both.

But...

There comes a time when they can't help me anymore. Because, like me, they know the story too well, and it becomes easier to overlook those plot holes, those POV drifts, etc. And they definitely can't help me with my query.

So I've joined another critique group. One with fresh eyes and fresh voices and they have helped me see the flaws (minor and major) in my writing that some of my previous critters might have missed.

I'm not saying that I'm abandoning Writer's Digest. Not at all. But I won't be frequenting it as much since my main focus is on those two stories. However, new projects will go up in the Sci-Fi/Fantasy Forum like always, and I will be sure to pop in and see how everyone is doing, because, besides from being my first critique group, I consider a lot of them my friends.

I also like this new crit group because you have to give crits to receive crits. So what goes around comes around. And that always makes me happy. :)

The Woes and Wonders of Revising

There are a few tricks to revising that I’ve learned now that I’m on my second novel. First, and most importantly, keep a clean copy of your first draft. And I mean clean. No grammar/spelling corrections. No notes in the margins. The thing should look as if it’s going to be submitted to agents/editors (pray, don’t, however).

This is something I neglected to do with FURY, and therefore I lost my reference. It might surprise you, but you never know how many things will change and then be changed back to the way they were. If you have a clean first draft, it’s easier to notice those changes.

Secondly, if you use Microsoft Word, “Track Changes” is your friend. Use it. Love it. Yes, all that red can be a bit distracting (especially if you’re like me and have deleted and rewritten entire scenes), but if you change your mind about changing that sentence/word/passage, you have it right in the margins and can hit “Reject Change” to get everything back the way it was. Plus, it also provides you a visual reminder on just how much you HAVE changed. Nothing like a whole big page of red to make you feel like you actually accomplished something.

Third, edit with a goal in mind. I tend to read the chapter/scene first and then decide if it’s perfectly good the way it is, or if it needs some changes. I make a note (another tool in Microsoft Word is the handy “New Comment” tool) of what those changes should be or things that aren’t working, and then I go through and try to make those changes. Only do this for the big things, though, like character development and plot arc. If you do this for every sentence that doesn’t read well, you’re going to have a big mess of red. Fix the big things first, and then go back and polish up your sentences.

Another thing to remember when revising is to have fun. I, personally, have forgotten about this part more than once. (You’ve heard me whine.) Revising shouldn’t be a chore; it should be viewed as transforming coal into diamonds, because it will pay off. Trust me. Also, you never know where your characters might decide to take you, what twists you will uncover, because, by revising time, you should have a better idea of what your characters want and who they are, and your story will probably be stronger for it. Possibilities will abound (just make sure you don’t let the characters run away with you. Put your foot down. (Yes, I’ve had to do this, too.))

On that note, back to revising DRAGON QUEEN!!

My Mom and Me and the Garden

The older I get, the more I realize how much I'm like my mother. For example: If you had asked me 10 years ago whether I liked to garden, my answer would have been, "Gardening sucks." Because back then, it was a chore. If my brother and I wanted to go swimming, we had to weed the garden first. If I wanted that new book/toy/art supplies, I had to help in the garden. And, let me tell you, there is nothing worse to a 13-year-old who can't stand to get her hands dirty than pulling weeds.

Now, I have my own garden. And, yes, it was my idea. But I also have the tools that I need to make it easier. Namely, gloves. I also have a hand rake and shovel. A hoe that has a smooth, splinter-less handle and a water hose. (No more hauling water by buckets for me.) And I've also planted exactly what I wanted to plant exactly where I wanted to plant it. And the best thing? There is no stingweed in our yard. (Have you ever gotten into a patch of stingweed? Think thousands of cinders in your skin.)

So, now, I can see why my mom always insisted we have a garden. Why she spent countless hours with nothing more than a hoe and a helpful chicken (to eat the grubs) when she knew that, in the end, the weeds would win. But I'm a little different than my mother as well. Because I know that the best time to get out and weed a garden is when the weeds are just teeny little things and easily plucked. She waits until they're up to her knee. (Also, she planted her garden at the end of our bermuda grass lawn... it doesn't take much for bermuda grass to take over.) I also tend the garden in the early morning or late evening, when its cool. She usually had us out there when it was the hottest (probably a secret punishment).

But I've realized that I love plants. I love the smell of them, the brightness on dark soil, the pleasure of seeing them flourish under my care. There's something relaxing and rejuvenating about spending time just weeding a garden, too. It's work that relaxes... kind of like yoga but without all the weird poses.

I keep looking forward to the day when I'll have my own land to do with as I please. When you rent a place, it's all about getting permission first. And, if you do get permission, then you do what work you do knowing that one day you'll have to leave it... and that is painful.

But, anyway, going back to my mom, its strange how some things you think you'll never pick up from your parents sticks with you until the right moment. One day, you're at the farmer's market and you're like "OMG, I'm actually enjoying this!" and "I've become my mother."

Fortunately, that's not a bad thing. :)