I'm not sure what to say anymore, and each time I try to gather my thoughts, they flit away like little sparks of light that mock me for trying to catch them in the first place. So I apologize if this blog post sounds like the Charlie Brown's teacher: wanhnwanh wanh wanh wahnwahn.
I want to tell you guys a lot of things. Like about my New Year's resolutions and how I made them but they don't really amount to much.
How I keep riding the roller-coaster of "Believe in Yourself/Give Up."
How I'm on Week 4 of P90X and am somewhere between really, really loving it and despairing that it will never be over with.
How I'm really sick and tired of reading YA and am reconsidering trying to WRITE it.
How sometimes I really, really hate other writers who are better than me. And yet, how I am also really, really happy for their success.
I want to tell you how happy I am in my marriage and grateful that I am with someone who loves me so much, and whom I love.
I want to tell you about all my personal issues, but I won't. Hopefully EVER.
I want to talk to you about my writing with passion again, but anymore it's like I'm scared to.
I want to write poetry, but I can't. It all comes out wahnwahn wahn wahn wahnwahn.
How I want to run until I throw up, and then run some more in the hopes that it will make me feel like I'm going SOMEWHERE.
But I can't elaborate. Every time I try, it ends up muddled and confused.
How more often than not, I feel like a YA character and that really ticks me off.
It's all Charlie Brown teacher-speak, though! Gah! Frustrating!
You may not feel like you've said anything with this post, but you really REALLY said a lot. I love this kind of honesty.
ReplyDeleteIt seems to me like you managed to say a lot while telling us you couldn't say anything. Great work.
ReplyDeleteJai
You'll get there. And I sympathize with the envy/cheer towards authors who are better than me. (coughLydiacough) hehe Writing comes easily to some people. It doesn't mean the rest of us can't achieve the same result; we just have to work harder at it. We can do it!
ReplyDeleteThe thing about Charlie Brown teacher speak...is that Charlie Brown understands it. You may not believe that your making sense, but I guarantee you that there's somebody who knows exactly what your trying to say. Don't give up on it!! :)
ReplyDeleteOh, I'm not the only one who thought of Lydia after reading the happiness/envy part yay!
ReplyDeleteI can relate to so much of what you say here, but I have to say that having read your work, whatever medium you choose, you are a great writer and will excel. Broadening your interests and taking a break from YA (or even leaving it if you choose) is not bad at all.