I Think I'm Broken

I've felt a little shifty lately (and, no, that's not a misspelling), and just can't focus. I wrote another short story, felt good about it, sent if off into submission-land, moved on. Poked and prodded at other projects, which just sort of twitched but wouldn't perform. Then I started scratching at rewrites and edits and got a little excited when they rolled over or begged, but the appeal quickly fled.

So, to sum it up to those of you who haven't given up on me after my long silences, I think I'm broken.

Granted, life has been BUSY and full of other things to focus on. I've been training to run a 5K and, yes, it's been emotionally, mentally and physically challenging. When I'm not actually training, I'm reading about training and shoes and run times and PRs (still have no clue what that stands for; practice runs?) and drooling over running gear that I could never justify buying ($40 for a pair of shorts? Haha). And all this fanaticism has just about drowned out that voice that tells me that it's about time I started writing again.

I feel distanced from my critique friends. I feel like I've missed too much and now I can't possibly catch up. I feel a little left in their dust, honestly. And while I am happy for the varied successes, I'm a bit overwhelmed. Just a few months ago, that was ME chattering about my latest WIP, characters, plots, offering critiques like they were going out of style. And then--I'll admit it--I received a lot of flack about some of my stories (not just in one critique group, either) and sort of got discouraged.

There, I said it. I am discouraged. And when I am discouraged it's difficult for me to be excited about a project, which means it's difficult for me to write it. If I lack faith in a story, it shows in the writing. So why bother?

So I briefly focused on other things. Things that had yet to be touched by that discouragement because, well, they were my "secret" stories. The ones that were too "mature" for my critique groups. While writing them, I regained some of that faith and confidence in myself. I thought that even if I couldn't write the traditional fantasy stories that I wanted, I could at least write about sex. (And I can do it pretty well, if I do say so myself.) But as much as I enjoy writing my naughty stories, they're not what really calls to me.

Honestly, it's like that Langston Hughes poem, "A Dream Deferred." I keep waiting, waiting, waiting for something to happen that rekindles that dream. But maybe it's too shriveled up at this point.

It's not like I haven't tried. I HAVE. I've even posted new strictly fantasy stories up for critique and received encouraging reviews, but that spark is still gone. I don't know how to get it back.

My 5K is April 16. After that I'm going to really dig in and focus on my writing. This dream may deferred, but I'm not giving up on it.

Is There An Echo in Here?

Oops. I realize I've been absent from the blogosphere recently. Maybe you noticed, maybe you didn't. I almost didn't notice because I've been so busy.

I complete a short story and sent it off for possible publication.

I started and then stopped and then restarted A Darkness Forged in Fire. I like it, despite not devouring it like I normally do with books that I like. I think I'm a bit burnt out.

But the real reason I've been absent is because it's SPRING. It's, like, warm outside. It's pretty. There are FLOWERS! And I can go outside barefoot again! And start a garden! And SQUEE!

So, sorry for my absence, but I just need more SUNSHINE!

Book Review: Wintergirls

Laurie Halse Anderson tackles another tough topic in Wintergirls: Anorexia. But, as if that wasn't enough, she adds self-mutilation to the mix.

According to the book's blurb:

Lia and Cassie were best friends, wintergirls frozen in matchstick bodies. But now Cassie is dead. Lia's mother is busy saving other people's lives. Her father is away on business. Her step-mother is clueless. And the voice inside Lia's head keeps telling her to remain in control, stay strong, lose more, weigh less. If she keeps on going this way—thin, thinner, thinnest—maybe she'll disappear altogether. 

I went into this book expecting to be disturbed, but never so poetically. If the image of anorexia and Lia's life doesn't stick with you, how the author paints it will. I haven't been so powerfully moved by the tragic beauty of a book since reading The Sky is Everywhere. While I enjoyed Anderson's Speak, Wintergirls rocked the foundations of my world. If I had to describe it in a word it would be: unsettling.

I've never suffered from an eating disorder, but I think that at some point in our lives, every girl considers it. We all feel that pressure to conform the stereotypical image of beauty, and hope that by being thin it might give us an ounce of self-worth. It's that very relatable aspect of this story that makes it so potent.

Yet Wintergirls goes a step further and shows the glittering, bloody edges of what happens when a girl goes too far for her perfect body.

But Anderson does it perfectly. We see everything from Lia's perspective and never through the author's lens. We see how RIGHT it is for Lia to do what she is doing, all the while recoiling because we know it's wrong. Lia is one of those girls whom you like despite what she's doing to herself. She's endearing. She tries so hard, but can't help but feel out of control. Her only way to have control is to starve and cut herself.

This book will make you wince, cry, shudder. But you won't be able to stop reading. And even when you're through, you won't be able to stop thinking about it.

Recommended: Absolutely.
Rating (out of five stars): 5 -- A perfect book, in my opinion.

Book Review: The Iron King

Have you ever read one of those books that you never want to end, it's so good? The Iron King by Julie Kagawa was like that for me. I literally could not put it down. Every scene made me shiver with delight. I devoured this book and enjoyed it so much that I immediately put it on my TO BUY list.

According to the book's blurb:

Meghan Chase has a secret destiny—one she could never have imagined…

Something has always felt slightly off in Meghan's life, ever since her father disappeared before her eyes when she was six. She has never quite fit in at school…or at home.

When a dark stranger begins watching her from afar, and her prankster best friend becomes strangely protective of her, Meghan senses that everything she's known is about to change.

But she could never have guessed the truth—that she is the daughter of a mythical faery king and is a pawn in a deadly war. Now Meghan will learn just how far she'll go to save someone she cares about, to stop a mysterious evil no faery creature dare face…and to find love with a young prince who might rather see her dead than let her touch his icy heart.

Now, there are quite a few YA Paranormals out there involving faeries. Wicked Lovely and Paranormalcy come to mind. And while I enjoyed their different take on faeries for different reasons, neither one made my toes curl or make me exclaim, "YES, this is EXACTLY what faeries should be like!" And not just the faeries themselves, but their world. Kagawa's faerie realm has the same dark magic as Anne Bishop's dreamscapes in Sebastian or Belladonna (both highly recommended books). It's like entering a place that you've never been before, but some part of you is able to recognize it. Places where good and evil aren't so easily distinguished, and it's so beautifully wrought that you feel disappointed when you come back to the real world. In a couple words: deliciously dark.

My favorite character was, of course, Robbie. I have a soft spot for tricksters and goofballs, but Kagawa crafts him perfectly, showing glimpses of more than just a carefree "friend." And all the other characters, even the minor ones, hold endless surprises.

Awesome setting and great characters make this book darn near perfect. Highly recommended!

Gah, I have to go buy all these books now!

Rating (out of five stars): 5!

Write Like You Mean It

Note: I totally borrowed the inspiration for this post from today's post over at The Sharp Angle. (Haha, I read your blogs more than you might think, Lydia!)

I have a one track mind sometimes and only enough passion in my body for a limited number of things. Namely, my husband, my pets, my family and then one other thing. Lately, it's been running.

I run at least three times a week. Without fail. Compared to some runners, that's probably laughable, but to me it's a big commitment. It takes a lot of time, a lot of effort, and not a little sweat to pound out 3 miles three times a week. And, yet, I love it.

I used to feel that way about writing.

Some part of me still does. I still have ideas flitting around in this skull of mine, but no NEED to write it. I used to write almost every day. I had to or I felt like I would go crazy. Not all the words were gems, but at least they were out on paper. At least I made the effort, took the time, and sweated out the words. I've decided that I need to do that again.

Lydia talked about how she gets into her writing groove because she writes every day. It's like a habit for her, so she doesn't have to struggle so long with getting the feel for her story or rediscovering her voice. And I think that is my problem. I've been out of practice so long that writing is HARD. It takes me forever to get a steady groove going and then by the time I do, I've lost interest because I'm so frustrated with how WRONG everything sounds.

But today I'm going to start writing like I mean it. If I can dedicate three hours a week to running, I can at least do that for writing, right? So, I'm going to write for at least 30 minutes Monday through Saturday. Hopefully if I start setting aside time to write, my groove will be easier to get into.

I've started a short story that I'm constantly thinking about, so I'll start with that. I would like to submit it to Circlet Press for one of their anthologies, and the deadline is March 15. Maybe if I write for 30 minutes six times a week, I'll get it done, get it edited and get it submitted. It would be nice to feel like a writer again. :)

This Means I'm Officially a Writer! Right?

So I've been fanatically checking Circlet Press's website each and every day every so often to see when the ebook with my story is coming out.

Today was the day! (Or at least the day I found it. Honestly, I get distracted by all the other stuff on the website.)

Presenting Masked Pleasures!

Yours for only $3.99. Bargain, right? Especially since my literary genius is nestled within. The other stories are pretty spectacular, too. So, if you would like some stimulation (har har) then skip on over to Circlet Press and buy a copy.

All the stories within were based on the photo featured on the cover. Pretty cool, right? 

Book Review: The Shifter

The Shifter by Janice Hardy is another one of those books that I've had on my to-read list for a while. It was worth the wait. Hardy creates a world and a character that immediately draw us in--one that reminds me of a weird mix between the Everglades, the Amazon and Venice. Her islands are richly detailed, and she even provides us with a map at the beginning of the story to help us keep everything straight (though I never found the need to refer to it).

And the characters themselves and the situations they are in are pretty fascinating which helped move the solid plot along at a fairly swift pace.

According to the book's blurb:

Nya is an orphan struggling for survival in a city crippled by war. She is also a Taker—with her touch, she can heal injuries, pulling pain from another person into her own body. But unlike her sister, Tali, and the other Takers who become Healers' League apprentices, Nya's skill is flawed: She can't push that pain into pynvium, the enchanted metal used to store it. All she can do is shift it into another person, a dangerous skill that she must keep hidden from forces occupying her city. If discovered, she'd be used as a human weapon against her own people.

Rumors of another war make Nya's life harder, forcing her to take desperate risks just to find work and food. She pushes her luck too far and exposes her secret to a pain merchant eager to use her shifting ability for his own sinister purposes. At first Nya refuses, but when Tali and other League Healers mysteriously disappear, she's faced with some difficult choices. As her father used to say, principles are a bargain at any price; but how many will Nya have to sell to get Tali back alive?

I found the plot thrilling, the setting satisfying and the Taking intriguing, but I never really connected with Nya as a character. I'm not sure if it's the author's fault or mine here, but I found Nya to be all action, not much reflection. True, not all characters are soul-searchers, but I felt like she was too concerned with doing for others to think about herself. Oh, sure, she has moments where she considers taking the "bad" guys up on their notorious offers, but as a reader you know that she won't because she is the "good" guy. But even KNOWING this, I would have liked for the author to make me second-guess myself and the character as well. It's extremely hard to do with first person POV, so I can understand that of all the lovely, glowing things about this book, this was the one to sort of fall flat. However, I just couldn't get over how convenient things became for Nya. She has to make some hard decisions, maybe even do some bad things, but she still comes out of it without nary a scrape. Call me cynical, but I wanted to see Nya make a really tough choice and, for once, not come out so intact.

Don't get me wrong, it's not like I didn't LIKE Nya. I did. I rooted for her and I wanted her to win. I just wanted her to suffer more. Yeah, twisted of me. :P

But the book, like I said, has a lot going for it. The world-building is excellent. The culture was well-described but not so much that it seemed like an info-dump. And I still cannot get over how fascinating the Taking and healing is. I look forward to reading the second in this series and, who knows, maybe I'll finally connect with Nya.

Recommended: Yes, for those looking for an interesting world and a fast plot.

Rating (out of five stars): 4